Broken Dreams and Blue Skies
by Rosa17
Summary: I am hopeless at writing a summary. But basically it's a Carby set post S11. Not spoiler free.
1. Default Chapter

**Broken Dreams and Blue Skies by Rosa17**

Rating: PG13

Authors Note: Thank you for all the reviews for Back Again, like Alone it was a stand alone. At the moment I have no plans to write a sequel to Alone, but it is still a possibility for the future. Also updates for this story will be at the most weekly, possibly less frequently.

Summary: Takes place post S11. Carby of course. Will Abby and Carter ever re-unite. Read to see if they do. **Warning possibly one or two spoilers from S11**

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.

Chapter 1

The rain hit the windowpane loudly, fleetingly dragging Abby out of her daydream. The puddles on the ground outside were doubling by the minute a bit like her really, although not every minute, every week, maybe.

She pouted and shifted her gaze to the sky, which was a wintry grey. Typical for the time of year, dark, dreary late November. Dark, dank, like her life. No, that wasn't fair, she was doing well really, it was just that things never went according to the way she had planned. She didn't plan much though, that way she was not disappointed when things went wrong. She had to rely on herself. Abby owed it to herself, herself and her baby.

Abby began to bite her bottom lip as she thought back to the events leading up to this situation which she was now in. It was strange that it had begun with a simple coffee and pie 'on Carter' a mere six months earlier, one fine sunny May afternoon. He had had a surprise leaving party the previous day but Abby had been stuck in trauma and missed the entire thing. So much so that when she arrived there wasn't even so much as a sausage roll left, let alone Carter himself. So when he offered the coffee and pie she had readily agreed.

She felt a certain sadness, a finality that he was leaving for good. Things had never really been the same since he had come back and announced that he was in love with Kem and looking forward to becoming a father. Of course that had gone unexpectedly and horribly wrong and he was left alone.

After a shaky start, they chatted together like the old times until the café closed and Carter gave Abby a ride home. She supposed the mistake was inviting him in for a coffee, but she didn't want the evening to end and for him to leave, if she was honest with herself. Leave not only her apartment but also her life, forever. She had absolutely no doubt in her mind at that moment that he would never be returning to Chicago.

"I've missed this, us" he said to Abby as he threw himself down on the sofa and watched her as she busied herself making the drinks. She wasn't really sure what he meant. 'Them' as an 'us', for that had been so long ago now. So much had happened to both of them since they had been a couple.

Maybe if she had not chosen to sit next to him on the sofa things would have turned out differently, she mused. One last night of passion. Probably her last night for a very long time. She was hardly going to forge a new romantic relationship whilst trying to complete her residency and taking care of a young baby, plus with the added constant worry and burden of Maggie and Eric. Although they appeared to be doing okay at the moment she knew that you could never tell when all that would alter.

She sighed once more, remembering how he had trailed his finger down the side of her face before he moved into kiss her gently at first then becoming more urgent. It seemed that one moment there they were on the sofa kissing and the next were lying amid damp tangled sheets half covering their sweat ridden bodies.

She still couldn't believe that what seemed a lifetime ago was only actually a little over six months. During that time she had written to Carter, not once, or twice, but three times. But he hadn't replied by letter, phone or e-mail, nothing. She took the time to comfort herself with the knowledge that he hadn't contacted Susan or even Luka either. Abby knew that Carter had gone to start a new life, but she hadn't imagined that he would sever all his old relationships completely.

Then on the other hand something awful might have happened to him and nobody had yet discovered it. No, she stopped herself mid thought, that had not happened, would not happen, could not happen. He was alive and well and happy, many, many miles from here. Many miles from her and their unborn son.

She just wished Carter knew, of course if he had read the letters he would know. She had told him she was pregnant in the first, told him that she was keeping it in the second and in the third told him that it was a boy. Maybe, she decided it was too painful for him to imagine, to contemplate, another child, a son. Perhaps it was because she was going to be the child's mother and he didn't love her, not that she expected him to, love her that was. But one thing she didn't understand and that was why he, John Carter had not even acknowledged their unborn baby, she just didn't understand it at all. She had thought it possible that one of the letters had been lost in the mail, but not all three of them and she had checked the address every time. Plus she had sent a copy of the third letter addressed to Dr J Carter, care of Jack Carter in Boston. She supposed he might have moved on though.

"If you ever need me Abby" he had told her, the morning after the night before "anytime" and he had given her a scrap of paper with his new address on.

It was odd she could picture him exactly as he had been on that morning standing in her doorway, hear his voice as though he was in the room with her, here, now.

She didn't expect him to come running back to Chicago, but he had every right to be part of their child's life.

The wailing of an ambulance siren jolted her once more back to the present, which was the doctor's lounge at County.

"Hey! Abby!" called Frank popping his head round the door. "Multiple trauma, all hands on deck, including yours" he added.

"Be right there" she answered softly and he paused for a moment giving her a concerned look before heading back to the desk.

Abby grabbed her stethoscope and threw it around her neck before leaving the safe haven of the lounge to see what trauma room had in store for her that afternoon.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, I find them encouraging. I just want to say don't worry about the time gap as some of this will be covered at a later part of the story, it's just that I don't want the 'missing time' to be written about now if you catch my drift. I need to leave you in suspense a bit. Just as Abby and Carter don't know what is happening with each other.

Chapter 2

Six months later May 2006

Carter stood outside the hospital under the balcony watching as the rain fell down in heavy sheets, soaking the dry, arid ground, for a while until the sun reappeared at least. He found it cooling standing there, he would have like to have gone and stood in the middle of the street and let the water cascade over his body. But he had work to do and no spare clothes to put on so he thought better of it, turned on his heel and went back to work.

It was late when he finally sat on the step to the hospital entrance. The rain had stopped and the air was hot with a touch of humidity in it from the earlier downpour. But the ground was already bone dry.

In some ways it was difficult to imagine that he had been here a year, then again he also felt as though he had been here forever. This time twelve months ago he hoped that this move would have turned his life around once and for all, in a good positive way that he had dreamt of for so long. If he was honest with himself however, it hadn't. Oh he had made a difference to the lives of the people that he treated, but not to his own life. That was still a relative disaster.

Mala a work colleague and friend came and joined him on the step, sitting heavily down as she was big boned and a little over weight, which was to do with her metabolism as opposed to what she ate as there was not much food to be had in her household which consisted of herself, a husband and eight hungry children.

"Everything okay Dr John?" she asked him after they had sat there in silence for a while

He turned then and looked at her; he was sitting with his legs bent, his arms wrapped around them and his hands clasped together. He raised his eyebrows and nodded.

"Do you need to talk?" Mala asked him, thinking that he had been subdued lately, unhappy almost.

Carter let out a long sigh and looked out onto the town before him as he ran a hand over his face. They were quiet for a long time.

"Have you ever felt like you have been running away?" Carter finally asked Mala

"From what?" she replied

"From yourself, from situations you thought you couldn't handle" he explained and sighed again this time running his fingers through his hair, which needed cutting.

"Not really" Mala answered, she had never had time to run away there was always something to do. She did run away once as a small child but she couldn't quite remember why and saw no need to tell Cater this. Instead she said "Kem's not around tonight then?"

"She's gone inland for a couple of days, with the Aids clinic" he explained

"Oh I thought that was next week"

"It was, change of plan though"

"Are you sure you don't need to talk, she's gone away for a couple of days, do you need to get anything off your chest. We at the hospital couldn't help but hear you two argue the other night"

"I expect" said Carter slowly, paused and then dryly added "That everyone in a ten mile radius heard us yelling" as he finished speaking he propped his chin up with his hand.

"Is that the problem, you and Kem?" Mala asked cautiously

"I don't know, I thought that coming out here with her would solve all my problems, but in actual fact everything has just escalated into a giant snowball" he paused, glanced at Mala then said "It hasn't been working for about six months. We just share the house, buddies, that's it, that's all we are now"

"Being friends is good" Mala told him thinking of her own relationship with her husband

Carter nodded "But I want, I need something more and she needs more too, I know that much. I know I can't give her what she needs"

"You mean children" Mala said carefully

Carter gave a sarcastic laugh and said "No I didn't mean that. I would never want her to have a child again if she wasn't ready, and I don't think she ready to have one with anyone. There's no point us having a child to try to salvage the relationship that has gone past saving. I have to face the truth that it's over"

"Will you stay? We need you here you know" Mala said

"Here?" he asked. Mala nodded and Carter said "Honestly?"

"Honestly" Mala said

"I don't know" he replied

"You know" she said after a long silence between them, "It's late, I'm here all night, you should go home and get some sleep"

Carter nodded as he bit his lip and pushed himself off the step.

"Goodnight Mala" he said as he walked away.

Carter got back home and whilst he was fumbling in the dark he knocked over a pile of papers on to the floor. Once the room was finally lit with a dim light he bent down and retrieved the mess of scattered papers. Among them a photograph caught his attention and he looked at it and smiled. It was a simple snapshot of the staff at County taken a few days before he left. He looked at each face in turn and paused for a moment when he reached Abby before moving on to Neela and the rest of the gang. It was the first time in the past year that he had admitted to himself that he felt homesick for Chicago, for County. He put the picture back onto the table and noticed a couple of parcels sitting there from the states.

He opened them to discover an assortment of letters from his family which he then sorted into two piles. The first pile were for things which were important and needed his attention, the second were thrown unopened into a large cardboard box which was over half full already. And there hidden at the bottom of the cardboard box, were the three unopened and forgotten about letters from Abby Lockhart.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thanks you for your reviews, you all make my day. In reply to Breakthefloor22's questions: Carter is in the Congo. Timeline it is set after S11, although I have only seen Ep: 1 & 2. I have however read most of the spoilers for the rest, so it is sort of following on from there with a couple of changes that I have made to suit my story. Mala was a character that I invented. Hope that information helps. As I have written chapter three earlier that I thought I would I am posting it now.

Chapter 3

Five months later October 2006

There was a chill to the wind as Carter walked along the shore of Lake Michigan. He drew his coat more snugly around his body. It was amazing that after four weeks he had still not fully acclimatized back to the Chicago weather. Fall was now in full swing and the days were only going to become shorter and colder. Which was exactly how he felt his life was, cold and dark and dismal.

Carter had been out all day when he finally stopped and propped his body up against a lamppost almost opposite the emergency entrance to County. He stood there for over an hour, watching people come and go from the hospital.

He saw the hustle and bustle as ambulances drew up, unloaded patients, reloaded other patients and drove off. He watched and a small smile graced his lips when Weaver came hobbling out on her crutch, yelling at Ray and Morris for slacking and not getting on with their jobs properly, when they were more likely on a well earned break or Ray was anyway. In addition he saw Luka and Haleh, Sam, Luka and what looked like a med student come out to meet the ambulances while he stood there.

If they had looked up and distanced themselves from their work it would have been unlikely that they would have recognised him as he stood there in scruffily and fairly dirty clothes. His hair and beard were longer than he had ever grown them before and he carried an air of indifference about him.

The sky was dark the air was cold when Carter finally sighed and walked away. If he has stayed a few moments longer he would have seen Abby running down the stairs from the El and into the ambulance bay, late as usual and tonight awaiting the wrath of Weaver.

Carter put the key in the lock and opened the front door. Wondering why he had never sold this house he had bought a couple of years earlier. Looking back on it however he was pleased. Pleased that he now had somewhere to come back to, somewhere his heart knew as home. The other decision that he was glad he had made was to come back here to Chicago, to come back home.

He walked through the still house from bottom to top and gazed out of his bedroom window out on to a view of part of the city, the only city he had ever called home. He wasn't sure when he had made the conscious decision to come back. Maybe really he hadn't meant to leave, but it had seemed the best thing at the time.

His thoughts went back to almost eighteen months previously, to his last night in Chicago. He had never meant to spend the night with Abby. It had brought so many unthought, unsaid emotions back into his heart and mind and he really wished that he had said something meaningful, from his soul as he said goodbye to her in the doorway of her apartment. Even though they both knew that he was leaving to be with someone else, but there was still so much between them.

He sighed, something that he did a lot of these days and stripped and went to have a long hot shower. Dressed and feeling somewhat refreshed he made his way downstairs, without bothering to switch the light on. Consequently he stubbed his toe on a box in the hall, cursing loudly he headed for the light so that he could inspect the damage to his foot, which turned out to be fine. However he did take the time to move the box out of the way and in the bottom of the box laid the still unopened letters from Abby.

0o0

It was two days later when Susan looked through the spy hole on her front door and saw a distraught looking Abby the other side.

"Abby" she said, "I told you not to worry, its okay" Seeing that Abby wasn't convinced Susan added "Everyone's sitter goes sick or cancels at some time, it's no big deal. Here let me take this stuff off you" and she off loaded Abby from her bags of baby things.

"Thanks I owe you one" Abby said to Susan as they stood there on the threshold of Susan's apartment, a pyjama clad Cosmo hugging Susan's leg.

"Hi Cosmo" Abby said to the small boy and after giving her a shy smile hid his face behind his mother's leg.

"I think I put everything you'll need in the bag. Don't forget to call me if there's a problem or anything or…" Abby said

"Abby, just go, I've got this covered" Susan said smiling at a stressed looking Abby.

Abby smiled then turned and had only walked a few steps when Susan called out "Abby!"

"What?" Abby replied turning back to Susan

"Michael"

"Michael?"

"You're still holding him"

Abby looked down with a tenderness that Susan noted Abby reserved only for her son Michael. Abby kissed the top of his dark downy hair and his big brown eyes gazed up at her as he tried to put his fingers in her mouth.

"Michael" Abby whispered nodding and headed back to Susan. "Bye sweetheart, Mommy has to work tonight, but you get to stay with 'Auntie Susan'" as Abby finished talking she met Susan's eye.

Susan gave her an encouraging smile back knowing how hard it felt for herself sometimes to say good bye to Cosmo, having to leave him in the care of someone else. Abby turned her attention back to Michael kissing him on the forehead then she passed her now 8 month old son into Susan's waiting arms. Abby never thought that she would feel this way about a child of her own. She turned and walked away quickly so that Susan did not see the real tears in her eyes. Only when she reached her car did she wipe them away and blow her nose.

Susan with Michael in her arms and still with Cosmo attached to her leg walked awkwardly into the lounge and said "Chuck, I need a hand"

0o0

It was a week later when a short haired, clean shaved and smartly dressed man walked into County, in the hope of attaining the attending position available in the ER. Nobody would have recognised him as the scruffy individual standing watching the hospital seven days earlier.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Just to say thanks for the new reviews, J. Here is the next instalment.

Chapter 4

A couple of days later

"Well that's what I heard" said Frank to Haleh, Wendy, Yosh and Sam, as Abby came up to the desk.

"What did you hear?" Abby asked putting a pile of charts down and fixing her attention on the computer screen.

"Some piece of rubbish" Susan said changing the subject and then she gave the other staff a look which had them hurrying back to their respective jobs.

"Oh" Abby replied only half listening to which Susan was grateful, but in another way uneasy.

"Abby" said Susan

"Mmmmm"

"We need to talk"

This grabbed Abby's attention and she turned to Susan and said "We do?"

Susan nodded "It's very important and it needs to be said"

Abby bit her lip wondering what it could be and decided that it must have been something that she had done.

"I'll catch you before your shift ends, okay?"

"Sure" Abby said and nodded.

O0O

Later after an exhausting trauma Pratt and Abby were pulling off their gloves and gowns when Greg said "I expect you've heard the news……."

"Dr's Pratt and Lockhart multiple MVA, five minutes" yelled Frank

Abby rolled her eyes and looked at Greg who said "I'll finish telling you later"

Abby had the distinct impression that she was missing something, something big.

O0O

"Abby!" called Susan "Before you go and get Michael, I need that word I mentioned earlier"

"Okay" said Abby looking at her watch

"It'll only take a moment"

"Okay, sure" replied Abby following Susan into the doctor's lounge which was empty.

"Let's sit down" suggested Susan pulling out a chair and sitting and indicating for Abby to follow suit. Abby after glancing at the clock did as Susan requested.

"Okay what have I done?" Abby asked somewhat impatiently, partly as she was running late and wanted to pick up Michael from day care and partly because she couldn't think of anything she had done wrong recently.

"Nothing" answered Susan

"Then what's with the chat?" Abby asked confused then realising that it might not be professional she asked "Is something wrong with Cosmo, Chuck?"

Susan shook her head and said "No they're fine. Actually it's to do with work and it affects you, all of us"

"Oh"

"We have….." Susan paused and started again "There's been a doctor appointed to the attending post, here in the ER"

"And?" Abby said shrugging. They always seemed to be appointing new attendings, the turnover was often quite rapid.

Susan sat there searching for the right words whilst looking at Abby's expectant expression. "It's somebody you know" she finally said and inside was thinking that she sounded pathetic.

"Oh" said Abby thinking of who it could possibly be, finally she said with a shake of her head "Not Richard?"

"No" Susan said "he's not Richard"

"Who then?" Abby asked baffled

Susan swallowed hard before replying "Carter"

"What did you just say?" Abby asked incredulously. "Tell me you just didn't say Carter?" she added with an unbelieving laugh of shock and was glad then that Susan had insisted she sit down. "Carter?"

"Mmmmm, you know John Carter MD, Michaels's father"

"I know who he is Susan without you reminding me"

"Sorry, bad example" Susan replied inwardly cringing at her own lack of tact. "He's starting back on Monday"

"So, soon?"

"Abby, we are short staffed you know" explained Susan "Are you okay Abby? He was the best candidate for the job"

"I don't understand, nothing makes sense" Abby whispered more to herself than Susan

"Look this might sound unprofessional of me but I know that it'll go no further. He came back alone Abby. Kem's madly in love with someone else apparently. Oh and he's been back a few weeks already…" Susan stopped as she realised that the last piece of information wasn't very helpful either. "Sorry. I'm sorry, go get Michael. I'll see you tomorrow"

"Yeah" Abby bit her bottom lip as she stood up, then said "This is what everyone was talking about earlier isn't it?"

"What?"

"Carter, coming back?"

"Yeah. Look Abby if there's anything I can do…"

Abby cut her off mid sentence saying "Night Susan" and she left leaving Susan sitting there wondering what on earth was going to happen with the pair of them now. One thing was for sure John Carter and Abby Lockhart never ceased to amaze her whether it was something they did together or individually.

O0O

That evening Abby sat on the sofa, Michael asleep lay nestled into the crook of her neck. She really should have put him down into his cot, but she needed to hold him close, to run her cheek over his baby hair, to kiss his head softly. To stroke the perfect skin of his chubby hands, to rub his back in circular comforting motions. To listen to him breathe in and out.

Her son, well technically her and Carter's son. Carter was back, that had been a shock, that and the fact that he was going to be returning to County in a few days. But the biggest shock was that he had been back several weeks already. She was so confused about everything. John was obviously back because things hadn't worked out with Kem, but it was as though the last night he spent in Chicago with her hadn't happened. What about the letters? She had sent him three plus the one via Jack. So why if he had been back several weeks had he still not contacted her, a least a phone call. He wasn't as she once feared dead but he hadn't made contact with her either.

In fact she was so confused that she didn't know how she felt about him, him being John. It was funny, odd even saying his name after all this time. To imagine him standing in her kitchen making coffee, to be in the shower half asleep trying to wake himself up for a shift. These memories were old, old but vivid. And the sound of his voice, she could still remember the day they sat at the kitchen table and he said 'I'm not going anywhere', it was so long ago now.

To say she never thought of him would be a lie. She thought of him every time she looked at Michael. They shared so many mannerisms it was uncanny. Not that anyone else had picked up on it. Michael was dark haired like Abby's natural colouring and had brown eyes as did she, but Michaels were the same brown as Carter's. His ears were the same shape as his father's too.

Then she was also sure that Michael had inherited his sheer determination from both of them, which was obvious from the way he practised and practised until he learnt to crawl last month. Now he was moving about she dreaded to think how fast he would be when he started walking.

She sighed and rested her head on the back of the sofa, then carefully stood up with Michael in her arms. She took him to his cot and tenderly placed him in, covering him gently and kissed him goodnight.

Things change, she knew that, they never stay the same and she also knew deep in her heart that although it wasn't going to be easy she had to face this thing between herself and John Carter. Whatever lay ahead for all three of them.


	5. Chapter 5

Authors Note: Thanks for all your amazing reviews they are really encouraging me to continue with the story maybe faster than I anticipated. Glad you like it hope you continue to do so. Babyboots, I chose the name Michael as it has a good meaning and just so you know it has nothing to do with Gallant. AbbyLockhartrockmysocks, as you read this chapter you will discover how old Michael is.

Chapter 5

The following Monday morning.

"Morning Jerry" said a cheerful Carter

"Carter!" replied Jerry enveloping him into a bear hug "Good to see you back. You're looking good"

"Thank you" said Carter tilting his head to one side and adding "So what's new this morning?"

"All that" said Jerry indicating the huge rack of charts "And that" pointing to all the potential patients sitting in triage.

"Lovely" said Carter sarcastically

"Dr Carter!" said Haleh coming up and giving him a hug "We missed you"

Carter grinned he was feeling more like his old self since he had the news that he had been reappointed at County.

"Okay, okay enough of this, we need to work people" said Susan walking through the doors still in her street clothes

"Morning Susan" said Carter

"Carter" acknowledged Susan walking towards the doctor's lounge.

"Dr Carter!" said Greg "Didn't think we'd see you again"

"Well here I am" he replied "You good?"

"You're looking at the chief resident"

"Yeah I heard congratulations"

"Hey! Jerry" said Ray approaching the desk "There's a guy in triage asking for Dr Lockhart, says all the other doctors are crap"

"She's not in today, day off" supplied Jerry glancing up at Ray "Spending some quality time with Michael"

"If he's really ill he'll see any doctor" said Pratt

"That's what I told him" said Sam joining the conversation "So he left and said he'd be back" she grabbed some forms and went back to the triage desk.

"Michael and Abby deserve to have some time together" said Ray "They don't get to see each other as much as they should, and it's a shame 'cause Abby loves him to bits"

The others except Carter nodded in agreement before going their separate ways.

Carter inwardly sighed, he was glad. Well glad for one that Abby still worked there and two that although he wanted to see her he was worried about it being awkward between them after their goodbye eighteen months earlier. Little did he know how awkward it was going to be. He was also left wondering about this guy called Michael who had stolen Abby heart.

O0O

His first day back had felt as though he had never left. Within an hour of being there he was involved in trauma, whilst juggling twelve or so other patients at the same time.

That evening after tripping over the box in the hall for the umpteenth time, he decided it was high time he went through it. Tiresome chore as it was, it had to be done.

He fixed himself some dinner and sat on the floor propping himself up against the sofa. Opening the box, he sighed, it was fuller than he expected, he was going to be up all night. A lesson was to be learnt from all of this he decided, that it was better if you opened you mail as you received it and not leave it to build up uncontrollably as this. He was no to know at that moment how true those very thoughts were.

Hours and piles of opened and scattered post later he picked up the three remaining letters on the base of the box. He almost left them for another time, but the handwriting caught his attention. He took a further look and decided that it belonged to Abby Lockhart. He then took the time to look at the postmark on each and slit the oldest envelope first. He was not to know that what he was about to read would change his life forever.

_Dear John,_

_This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write and I don't suppose you'll thank me for it. After all you have just moved continents to be with the woman you love._

_John, I'm pregnant, I found out a couple of days ago, condoms aren't infallible you know and yes you're the father. _

_I would like to keep the baby I really would but everything is so uncertain, I'm so confused. I know that this is not what you want to hear, after all you have been through, but I'm trying to be honest with you here, you deserve that much at the very least._

_I hope everything works out for you. If you want to write, call, email me, well you know where I am._

_Abby_

Carter let out his breath that he wasn't even aware that he had been holding. He bit his bottom lip as he felt the tears well up behind his eyes. He scanned the letter for a date, it was written a mere month after he had left. He couldn't believe it and spent the next fifteen minutes or so re reading it over and over again.

Sniffing he reached for the other two envelopes and choose the next time wise, opened it and with trembling hands began to read.

_Dear John_

_Well I haven't heard from you, so I guess that must mean one of three things. One, you didn't receive my first letter, two, you are choosing not to reply or three this letter has crossed with one from you._

_In case you didn't get my first letter I'll recap for you. John I'm pregnant, that last night we spent together, well… well…_

_I've thought and thought about everything, about what I'm going to do. I had half hoped that you might have called. You know, I've taken everything into consideration; at one time I would have been too scared to be a mother. Too scared that I would end up like my mother. But I know that I'm my own person, I'm not her and never will be. I know that I am going to love my child, our child. No matter what he or she is like, whether they develop bi-polar or not, I know I'll love it anyway, in fact I already do. I am under no illusions, I know it will be tough to be a single mother, who is a resident doctor in a busy city hospital, but it feel it's the right choice._

_I know we've had our differences, but well you know if you want to be part of our child's life…… I know you will want to be even if I am the mother. I don't know how we can work this out but I know somehow we can._

_Your friend_

_Abby_

Carter shut his eyes for a moment, opened them again and before thinking about the second letter any more he slit open the third and started to read.

_Dear John_

_I'm writing just this one last time. I know the letters are going to the right address. I just don't know why you're choosing not to answer. I have also sent a copy of this letter to you via Jack. So if you don't receive this, well then I hope at least you'll receive that._

Carter paused reading; he had never received such a letter from Jack and wondered why.

_I had a scan today and I've enclosed a picture for you. It's a bit blurry, but you might like to know that it's a boy. I know that you will at least want to know that even if you don't want to stay in touch. _

_You know that I would like to hear from you; maybe you could email me at work or something if you're not too busy._

_I'm not going to beg you to be part of our son's life, you know that's just not who I am. I'm not going to bother you again either. You do what you want to do; you always have so why change now._

_And now just one last thing, 'thank you'._

_Abby_

Carter swallowed hard. He felt, he didn't know how he felt. Shocked, although the information he had just received had still not seeped into his mind. He felt numb. He gathered all three letters together and held them in his hand. His brain did some mental arithmetic and came to the conclusion that his son was now about 8 months old. Suddenly he recalled the bit about the picture; he hadn't seen it when he pulled the letter out. Checking the envelope he found the black and white, blurry image of his son. And that's when the tears really began to fall.

Author's Note: Just in case anyone is confused the writing in italics are the letters from Abby and as I wrote them I tried to imagine her speaking them.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Thank you again for your great reviews, I have a couple of chapters ready so I thought I'd post another now.

Chapter 6

Carter felt as though he had had no sleep at all when he walked into work the next morning. Vaguely he remembered that in fact he had managed to sleep for a grand total of one hour and forty five minutes and on awaking he was still clutching the now tatty letters from Abby which he had read over and over . If he had been apprehensive about meeting her yesterday when he had been oblivious to the content of the letters, he admitted that now he was almost terrified at the thought of it. He wouldn't blame him if she hated him.

After donning some scrubs he headed out to the desk and collided with a body coming in the opposite direction. Instinctively he put his arms out to steady the other person and himself and found that he was looking into a pair of very familiar deep brown eyes.

"Abby" he whispered

"You look like hell" she commented, surprised as everyone said that yesterday he was looking great.

"I had a bad night" he replied in way of an explanation, thinking that she was looking at him, in a concerned way.

Giving a half smile she said in an awkward manner "Welcome back Carter" to which Carter returned the half smile.

"It didn't take you too long" said Malik teasing the pair of them as he strode by.

Carter suddenly realised that he was still gripping Abby's elbows and let go rather suddenly, causing her to lose her balance slightly.

"I have to go" she said finally breaking the stare.

"Yeah sure" he answered watching her walk away and wondering why he felt so empty.

o0o

"Where's Luka?" asked Ray sometime later as he approached the desk

"With the thrombosis guy" said Jerry

"I thought that was Abby's patient" said Ray

"He is, she had to go see Michael, bit of a problem upstairs" added Jerry

Carter who was also at the desk tuned into the conversation but possibly as he was tired jumped suddenly to the wrong conclusion immediately and said "Why she seeing her boyfriend when we're swamped down here" then inwardly thought "Oh hell I didn't mean to say that out loud"

"Michael's not her boyfriend, haven't you caught up on all the gossip yet?" said Sam

"I've only been back a couple of days" Carter replied

"Michael" said Sam slowly explaining "Is Abby's son"

"Son?" he croaked out and inside was thinking "Of course that makes more sense, why am I so dumb"

"Yeah he's what about eight months and real cute" added Ray

"Really" Carter replied and then to clarify everything asked "So she hasn't got a boyfriend?"

"No not that I'm aware of" Jerry told him

"She's never really said anything about Michael's father except that she told him and he didn't seem to want to know" Sam informed him

"She said that?" Carter replied aware that his voice was unnaturally high and coughed as if to clear it.

"You okay Carter?" asked Jerry

"Yeah I didn't sleep well" he offered as an explanation, hoping that they wouldn't think his behaviour odd.

"Look I'll fill you in on the basics" said Jerry feeling sorry for Carter who looked rather shocked to say the least. "Abby and Michael are doing good. It's been a bit rough with everything that's happened, especially as the father didn't seem to want to know, but there are lots of single mothers' right?"

"She tell you who the father was?" Carter asked

"No but I think Susan might know" supplied Sam

Carter grunted he was not at all surprised by that piece of information in the least. He had a niggling suspicion that he had done something to upset her and this would account for it. "And is there anything else of importance that I've missed?" he asked casually

Jerry and Ray looked at each other and shook their heads.

"Not really" Ray offered "I did date a girl called Stephanie and then another called Jayne, but that's about it"

"Oh" Carter mouthed being more composed by this time.

"Frank thought he was having another coronary but it turned out to be indigestion" offered Sam thinking that changing the subject off the topic of Abby seemed a good move from Ray. There were some things that were better to be saved for another time.

"Uh huh, anything else" said Carter with a little shake of his head.

Jerry and Ray looked at each other again and said in unison "No"

"Right well I've got work to do" said Carter leaving the others at the desk.

"Something's going on with him" commented Jerry

"Mmmm" replied Ray

"He doesn't seem quite himself today" agreed Sam

"And we didn't tell him about the other thing with Abby and Michael" Jerry commented

Ray shrugged and replied "I'm sure someone will tell him eventually" just as the paramedics rolled in with yet another patient for them to treat.

0o0

Carter took a swig out of the beer bottle before setting it down on the counter in his kitchen, which was lit by low lights under his cupboards there. He twirled the spaghetti round on his fork as he thought of all he had returned to.

He had thought coming home would be simple and it had been. It was just that returning to County had opened a whole can of worms he hadn't foreseen. He knew it was going to be somewhat awkward with Abby, but what had transpired in the past two days was totally unexpected.

Life he mused was often full of 'if only's' and on this occasion it was if only he had opened those letters when he had received them, but he hadn't and there was no going back now. No saying what he'd of done or wouldn't have done had he done things differently.

Sighing he pushed the plate away and ran a hand over his face before leaning his elbow on the counter and using his hand to prop his chin up. The reality was, he was a father. Thinking like that made it sound so definite, so real. He had longed, yearned for this moment for so long. But part of him felt as though he had missed the initial moment. The moment his son came into the world. In fact the first eight months of Michaels' life, and the truth was he had no one to blame but himself and he felt as guilty as hell.

Guilty, for not reading the letters or answering them. Guilty for not just giving Abby a random call, as he knew she would have told him then. Guilty for not being there for Abby while she was pregnant and then for the day Michael was born. Guilty for not being there for Michael for the past eight months. And yes if he was honest with himself guilty for not being there to support Abby in some way either.

Meeting Abby today had gone better than anticipated, but it had been short due to the busy work environment and maybe less than he had hoped it would be. Initially on the first meeting she had been surprise to bump into him that way but had been polite and he wondered what kind of strain that had put on her today. When they were in trauma together they fell back into their professional routine together well and he was sure it was just the two of them who were acutely aware of the tension between them.

He couldn't wait for tomorrow, until he saw her again. So he picked up his keys and headed out the door to pay a visit to Abigail Lockhart.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note Thank you very much for your continuing reviews. To put you out of your misery a little bit, I am adding another chapter.

Chapter 7

Abby was tired; it had been a hell of a day, meeting Carter again. But she thought that they had both managed to remain professional together when working, so that had helped a lot. Her day had had the added strain of the frantic call from day care. To which she had responded immediately and ran upstairs to comfort Michael. Who after almost choking on a piece of finger food would net be consoled by anyone other than his mother.

And now she watched him splash about in the bath and make raspberry sounds with his mouth. After checking the time she lifted him out, wrapping him in a large warm fluffy towel, before dressing him for bed. She was just finishing this when the buzzer rang and she couldn't help but wonder who that was at this time of day. Somehow though she wasn't surprised to discover that it was Carter.

They stood there on the threshold of her apartment, their eyes locked together. Carter couldn't quite bring himself to look at Michael who was looking at his father with a mild curiosity whilst sitting snugly in his mother's arms. It wasn't until Abby's neighbour trudged up the stairs and disturbed them by saying "Evening Abby, Michael" before letting himself into his apartment did they break it.

Almost reluctantly she said "You'd better come in"

On entering the apartment Carter nervously thrust his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Now he was actually here he didn't have a clue what he was going to say.

"Have a seat" Abby said clearing a pile of Michael's clean laundry and putting it on the kitchen table, before sitting Michael on the floor with her and facing Carter, who had sat down.

She sighed and said "Well, I take it this isn't a social call"

Carter who still hadn't dared to look at Michael, looked Abby straight in the eye instead and said "No"

Michael began crying and Abby scooped him up into her arms as she stood up. "Carter" she began almost exasperated with him, "Say want you want to say, I need to put Michael to bed"

"Okay, fine. Put him to bed, then we'll talk" he replied looking into the far corner of the room and thinking that this would give him more time to think of what to say.

"You haven't even looked at him" she said which surprised him as he didn't think that she had noticed.

"I can't not yet. Not 'til I've explained how things…..I….I…." he faltered

"Oh fine whatever" cut in Abby and she went to the kitchen and fixed Michael a bottle of milk and then walked to the bedroom and shut the door behind them.

When she re-entered the room his head was resting on the back on the sofa, his eyes closed and his breathing regular, steady. She sighed and looked at him before moving to the kitchen to make coffee.

"John" she nudged him gently

"Oh what" he said shaking himself out of the sleep into which he had fallen.

"Here, coffee" she said handing him a mug of steaming liquid and he sat up as she went and sat at the other end of the sofa. Remembering the, last time they had had like this was the night they created Michael.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep" he muttered

"No big deal, I was a while settling Michael" she replied softly not sure whether to be mad or pleased that he was here.

They sat there in silence each sipping the hot coffee before them. After a while and when he could put it off no longer Carter cleared his throat and said quietly "I didn't know Abby, I'm sorry but I didn't know"

"What?" she asked softly, amazed and confused that he hadn't known.

"About Michael. If it hadn't been for the fact that I got fed up with tripping over the box in the hall I still wouldn't know." He looked at her confused expression and continued "I mean I would have known you'd had a baby, everyone at work was more that happy to tell me" he paused again knowing somehow the words were never going to come out completely right no matter how he tried.

"I'm sure they were" she said dryly knowing how the majority of her colleagues liked to gossip "What did they tell you?"

"Oh you know that you'd had a baby and were bringing him up alone"

"That it?" she asked

"Yeah, pretty much. Jerry mentioned something about it being rough for you… but that was about it" he replied looking her straight in the eye.

Abby sighed, there was so much he didn't know and she didn't know if this was the time to tell him. After all she still needed some answers of her own first. So instead she asked "You did or didn't get my letters?"

Carter for obvious reasons didn't want to answer the question but knew he had no choice and said, whilst keeping his gaze on the mug of coffee "I got them"

"I don't get it" she replied

Carter took a deep breath and said "When I first went back, to the Congo to be with Kem, I only opened the mail that was….that I thought was important. Everything else got put on the side and eventually kind of sorted then put in a large cardboard box, where they stayed and more and more letters were put on top. I eventually went through the box, all of it, last night"

"So you're telling me you didn't know 'til yesterday?" Abby asked amazed.

Carter nodded "You don't know how bad I feel"

"Humph" grunted Abby and then said "What about the letter I sent Jack?"

"I never received anything like that. I haven't have an opportunity to call him yet"

Abby nodded and said "Right"

"I know this sounds unbelievable….." he began

"You're not wrong about that"

"Abby, stop it just let me explain"

"Explain what? It's pretty clear to me. You chose not to read the letters then you changed your mind and now you want to come barging back into our lives"

"No, yes, sort of" he said the words tumbling out randomly. "The thing is Abby; it was a bit of a shock"

"You're not the only one who was shocked"

"Yeah well….Abby"

"Look Carter, its late say what you came here to say, then leave okay?"

"It's not that late it's not quite nine" he protested

"I'm tired, I've got things to do and I need sleep" she snapped, she really didn't need this tonight

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't spend another day working with you without talking about it. I don't suppose you want to discuss it there" he responded, aware that neither of them were talking quietly anymore.

"Not particularly, go on. What do you want to say John? Tell me then go"

Carter sighed and looking her straight in the eye, swallowed and said "I want to apologise, for being a jerk, idiot, and fool"

"Keep going"

"Abby look we're not getting anywhere I just" he raised his hands as if in surrender. "I wanted to say I was sorry I didn't read the letters, call you. You'll never know how sorry" his voice began to break, but now he had started he knew he had to continue. "If I …. If I'd known, it would be different now. I know you probably hate me; I think I even hate myself at this moment. But I know one thing I want to be part of Michaels' life"

Abby nodded not trusting herself to speak without either bursting into tears or yelling so loud the entire building heard her. One thing was obvious and that was Carter had come here tonight to talk, tell her, and explain, not to listen and now was not the time to fill him in on the missing pieces.

Carter stood and walked to the door chewing his bottom lip; quietly he turned back to Abby and said "See you tomorrow at work, yeah?"

Abby nodded and sighed as he left her apartment knowing that really nothing had been resolved or discussed at all.


	8. Chapter 8

Authors Note Thanks again for taking the time to review my story, I really appreciate it. I hope that you all like this new chapter.

Chapter 8

A few days later

Susan caught up with Luka in the hall near the desk.

"How's it going with Carter?" she asked him

"As in being back generally?" Luka replied

"No, you know what I mean" said Susan

"Abby and Carter?"

"Exactly"

"Professionally good" was Luka's response

"That's what I've noted and personal?"

"Avoid each other as much as possible" said Luka then asked. "Has he met Michael?"

"I don't think so" Susan answered

Luka sighed and asked "Abby talked to you about it?"

"Would I be here discussing with you if she had? No, I don't know how to broach the subject, she can be quite cagey"

"I haven't spoken to either of them about it myself" Luka informed her.

"Do you think he knows?" Susan asked him, she couldn't help but be curious.

Luka shrugged and said "He must have heard she's had a child"

"Who's had a child?" asked Carter joining them from behind and startling the pair somewhat.

Susan and Luka looked at each other then back at Carter

"You were talking about Abby weren't you?" Carter said finally summing up the situation.

"You heard?" said Susan cautiously

"What?" said Carter

"Abby had um…." Luka started

"A baby" Carter finished for him "Yeah. Michael, I know"

Luka and Susan exchanged glances again, not sure how to proceed with this conversation.

Carter looked at them in turn and said amazed "You both know?"

"Know what?" said Luka trying to be vague.

"Don't mess with me. I know about Michael" he swallowed looking from Susan to Luka and added "I know he's my son"

Luka and Susan looked at each other again, this time surprised.

"Then where the hell have you been?" snapped Luka

"I'm not discussing it with either of you" Carter replied sighing and momentarily closing his eyes as if to summon his strength reserve. "I need to talk to Abby"

"Good idea" said Susan encouragingly.

"Hey Guys! Want to say hello to Michael" shouted Ray to them from the desk.

All three turned and there stood Ray bouncing an active Michael in his arms. Carter swallowed and tried not to let his eyes water as he took the time to look properly at Michael. Michael he decided in that split second of first impressions looked amazingly like Abby, with a touch of himself too. But the thing that hit him the hardest was the great wave of crushing jealously he felt as Ray stood there holding Michael. Carter had to resist the strong urge of walking up to Ray and snatching Michael right there and then and holding him himself, where Michael belonged. Carter was fully aware of the worried looks that Luka and Susan were exchanging too and knew that he had to appear normal as he struggled to compose himself.

Fortunately at that moment Abby came walking back down the hall and took a gurgling Michael from Ray and back into her arms once more.

"Behave himself?" she asked Ray

"As always" Ray answered

As Abby turned around she spotted the trio standing a little way of. "You're not going to come and say hello today?" she said addressing all three of them at the same time.

"Me?" they all replied in unison.

Abby nodded and walked over to where they stood. Luka stroked Michael's soft hair before saying "I've got a patient I need to see" and walked off.

"Me too" said Susan blowing Michael a kiss before leaving Abby and Carter alone with Michael.

Abby saw the uncertainty in Carter's eyes, mixed with the wonder of his expression and said "Wanna hold him?"

Carter biting the inside of his lip nervously held out his arms and Abby handed over their wriggling baby into them. He held Michael away for a moment then pulled him closer while looking intently at Abby. Then he slowly looked down at the inquisitive face of his son. He didn't trust himself to speak. He didn't know what to say anyway as his eyes brimmed with tears. He stole a glance at Abby and was surprised to see that her expression although wary and unsure was one of compassion and tenderness and knew that this was the beginning of his relationship with his son.

0o0

Susan and Abby sat opposite each other in arm chairs in Susan's apartment. Cosmo was sprawled on the floor trying to construct something with duplo and Michael was attempting to stand up by the sofa whilst gnawing on a zebra shaped teether.

"So you gonna talk properly with him?" Susan asked Abby

"Mmmmm. Take more than one conversation to talk this through with Carter"

"At least you'll be talking" Susan said trying to be helpful "That's something. How do you feel?"

"Now he's back and met Michael?" asked Abby, thinking back to a few days ago when Carter held Michael for the first time.

Susan nodded encouragingly and said "You know you told me he explained what happened and while I think he was kind of dumb I think he deserves a chance"

"I know, it was just hard to digest to start with, but I'm still so confused"

"Well you can both try to unconfuse yourselves together, tomorrow night over dinner"

"I don't know if agreeing to go out to dinner with him was one of my best moves" Abby said confiding in Susan.

"Oh Abby! It'll be fine. You'll be in a public place; you'll both be less inclined to yell at each other. I think it's perfect"

"Mmmmmmm" replied Abby unconvinced.

0o0

So far so good thought Abby as the waiter brought the main course to the table and left although she still felt like a bag of nerves, and they were still making small talk really.

"What?" asked Carter looking up at Abby who was watching him closely "You're dinner not good?"

"No it's not that, it's fine" she replied smiling and eating a couple of mouthfuls. "John?"

"Yeah"

Abby put her cutlery down and reached for her purse and pulled out a handful of pictures.

"I thought you'd like these" she said hesitantly passing them to him.

Surprised he answered "Thank you" and he took them from her careful not to brush her fingers with his own and flicked through them. There were all of Michael, Abby had been careful not to select any with her in and there were a quite a few of those that had been taken by Susan, Neela, Luka and Maggie.

"Do you like them?" she asked

"Yeah" he managed and slipped them into the inside pocket of his jacket "they're great"

They half smiled at each other before they continued with their meal. Abby wanting to keep the mood light and not yell or shout at Carter in a public place went on to describe what made Michael laugh.

As they drank coffee Carter was acutely aware that they were still skirting everything that was unsaid between them. However Abby did seem prepared to give him a chance to redeem himself he decided.

They sat in his car, jeep to be precise. Abby was surprised that Carter who could have purchased any car he wished had chosen another jeep to replace the one he had sold almost two years ago. He switched off the engine and half turned towards her and said "I'm really sorry I wasn't here, but now I know… you know I want to be here for Michael and for you"

She bit her lip and nodded before saying "I knew deep down that if you'd read the letters, well you would have at least called"

The next thing Carter said however was the beginning of his downfall that evening. "I've been thinking about how we can fix this mess"

"Mess, what mess?" Abby replied.

"You, me, Michael"

"Is that what you think this is? Some kind of mess! You're talking about our lives Carter as if we were some spillage on the floor that needs to be mopped up"

"I want to help" he protested realising his fatal error of words and trying to fix it but failing miserably.

"Help, you want to help? I thought you wanted to be part of Michael's life"

"I do, but I don't want to stand by and watch you struggle along in a one bedroom apartment either"

"Struggle along" Abby said visibly upset and feeling the need to repeat what Carter was saying back to him "Michael and I don't struggle along, thank you very much"

"But it could be much easier" Carter said digging himself into a deeper hole.

"Financially? You're talking about money aren't you? Money isn't everything John"

"Don't you think I don't know that? I want you and Michael to be comfortable not to worry about stuff, stuff like you had to worry about when you were a kid growing up. I don't want it to be like that for my son"

They were not in the restaurant now and all that has been building up inside Abby for the past week or two exploded. "Firstly, it's not going to be like that. I am not my mother. I have a stable job which I am fully able to withhold, unlike her and although I may be moody at times, I do not in any way have the health problems she has had to endure for most of her life.

Secondly money is not as important as love and I love Michael very much. He as far as I'm concerned comes first in my life. Not me, not you. Michael. We've 'managed' as you have so kindly put it for almost 9 months without you're so, so called 'help.' And before he was born I coped fine without you and we can continue to do so. If you're main concern is our financial position. I have not forgotten the money which I still owe you and you will get it back every cent" she stopped and paused to breathe. "Thanks for the dinner Carter. I think you need to re-think your priorities and then when you have, call me" She unlocked the seat belt, grabbed her purse and scrambled out of the car slamming the door behind her.

Carter on hearing the door slam felt as though he had been slapped across the face, more that once and cursed himself for not thinking before he had spoken. He reached inside his jacket pocket and took out the photographs of Michael and as he looked at them his finger grazed over his baby's face.

It wasn't until much later when Abby couldn't sleep that she wished she hadn't lost her cool with Carter but on the other hand it had gotten all that pent up emotion off her chest.

0o0

"Hey" said Carter as he entered the doctor's lounge and met Luka in there

"How's things going with you?" Luka asked. Carter shrugged and Luka added "Dinner with Abby a disaster?"

"You could say that" Carter said looking at Luka before elaborating "The meal went well, we talked she told me all about Michael. It was just afterwards I managed to put my foot in it. I forgot just how sensitive she can be"

"That sounds an improvement since the last week or so, even if you did upset her. At least the pair of you were talking about things other than tracheotomy's or how many patients she's managing per shift"

"Michael, I still feel strange saying his name"

Luka smiled at him and gave a small laugh "When you get to see him more it'll feel normal"

"Abby gave me some pictures of him, from when he was tiny to now"

"It's amazing" Luka said now his turn to put his foot in it. "He's doing so much better now, how a simple operation can change your life"

"What?" said Carter "whose operation?"

"Michaels' he was only a few weeks old…."

"Luka, stop! What are you talking about?"

"I thought you knew, you said Abby talked about Michael"

"She did but not his medical history. Tell me"

Luka shook his head "It's not for me to tell you. Ask Abby"

"Luka!" Carter said and Luka shook his head, so Carter continued "Well this is just like Abby, having to prove to everyone including herself that she can do everything without help from anyone"

"Carter that's not true" Luka cut in remembering how Abby had leant on him, Susan and even Maggie at the time.

"Yes it's true" Cater said disagreeing "I have never met anyone like her, ever. She always has to prove that she's so independent, so capable of managing by herself whatever problem she faces, she just won't let anyone in"

"Carter!" shouted Luka to get his attention.

"What?" Carter shouted back as he followed Luka's gaze to the other side of the room to Abby who was standing there, tears glistening in her eyes. She looked from Luka to Carter then abruptly turned on her heel and left.

Carter looked at Luka who said "Good one Carter" before exiting the room also, leaving Carter standing there feeling oddly bereft.


	9. Chapter 9

Authors Note : Thanks for your continuing support.

Chapter 9

Carter emerged onto the roof and sighed, the night air was cold and crisp. He looked around until he spotted a lone figure gazing out at the sprawling city beyond. He walked up to and stood alongside her almost silently, putting a hand comfortingly on her shoulder, she flinched slightly but didn't shrug him off.

"I'm sorry" he whispered

"It wasn't you" She sniffed. "What you said didn't help, but that wasn't it"

"Oh?" he said confused

"Thanks for the apology though"

"You're welcome"

"I thought you were a bit harsh, truthful maybe, but harsh" she told him honestly

"I was out of order. So if it wasn't me, what was it?"

"I lost a patient, a little girl"

"From the MVA earlier?"

"No" she pouted, sighed and continued "That little girl is stable after surgery"

"That's good"

"Yeah"

"So what patient are you talking about then?" he asked gently as his fingers kneaded her shoulder, despite the fact she told him that he hadn't upset her, he knew her well enough to know that he had.

"Oh, well, she was four; they brought her in because she was dying. It was just so much more painful watching her and her family. Knowing there was nothing that I could do to make it better. Imagining how I would feel in their situation, thinking of Michael"

They stood there in silence, but the tension from the past week or two had gone.

"Who looks after Michael when day care's shut?" Carter asked thinking changing the subject might help.

"I have a sitter"

"She good?"

"I was careful who I chose Carter. Weaver recommended her actually, but I still checked out her resume and references well" she paused for a few moments before adding "But you're right"

"About what? I didn't say anything about your patient"

"Not about my patient. About me, being self sufficient"

"Oh that. I shouldn't have mentioned it, even if it was to Luka"

"It's true isn't it? If I'm not here for me then who is there? I can't rely on Maggie or Eric, not completely"

"There's your friends' me, Susan. Luka, Neela and you seem quite chummy with Ray"

She turned and looked at him smiling a little and said "Jealous?"

"About what? Jerry said you were unattached" he returned the smile and admitted "I was a bit jealous, that day when Ray was holding Michael. I mean it should have been me; you looked so cosy when you returned and took Michael back. You'll never know how much I wish I'd read those letters, things would be different now. I wouldn't feel like an outsider trying to earn his way in"

"You're here now. That's what matters" she said quietly and he felt pleasantly surprised. "I'm sorry too" she added

"For what?"

"The other night, I said things I could have worded much better than I did"

"It doesn't matter now. I've been thinking a lot since you said I should" he told her quietly

"When do you do things other people think you should?"

He gave a dry laugh "Well you got me thinking anyway and I care about you I always have whatever opinion you might have about it. I only had your best interests at heart…."

"I know, I know you meant well but you can't come barging back into my life wanting to change everything to suit you"

"I know I'm sorry, but you have to start to let me in too" he gently persisted

"It's just not easy, I've been doing things on my own for so long, some things are harder to change than others"

"I noticed that you're not smoking up here" he commented

"Mmm well I gave up when I was pregnant"

"And haven't wanted to since?" he asked

She laughed wryly "It's like the drinking you know. Sometimes you have to fight the urge, but you do because you know you just can't go back to how you were before"

"I'm proud of you" he told her and she turned and looked at him and he added "I wanted to fix you, but you had to respect yourself enough to do it for yourself"

"When you left the first time it showed me what a rut my life had become, a wake up call if you like"

"To say I was surprised when you went back to med school was an understatement. I thought you should do it, but actually you making the choice and doing it was totally different. It was a good surprise though, probably better than the one I gave you"

"Yeah. I wanted to run away and hide, my usual trick"

"You didn't"

"Nope"

They studied each other for a while, having a better understanding of the situation they were both in.

"Shall we start again? I mean not pretend the last couple of weeks haven't happened but try to deal with it like two adults" she suggested.

"That's the best idea either of us has had all day" he replied. She smiled at him and he added "There's just one thing, Luka said Michaels' had an operation"

"Oh that. I wondered when someone would tell you before I had the chance"

"Luka didn't tell me he said I was to ask you"

"Come round to dinner tomorrow night, probably be only pizza"

"I'll bring it with me if you like" he offered

"Sounds good"

"Seven?"

"Thirty" she clarified.

"Okay" Carter looked down at his flashing pager and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger "Work calls, don't stay here too long, promise?"

"Yeah" she muttered "Not too long" before turning back to the Chicago skyline.


	10. Chapter 10

Authors Note: Thank you for your support and reviews. This chapter is mainly a flashback; to make it easier to distinguish the flashback is in italics. I have written the flashback not as Abby telling Carter but as though you were watching it as in an episode. Hope that makes sense, this is so that you get an overview of everyone's perspective not just Abby's. Any questions feel free to ask, okay? I felt like I was writing this chapter for weeks, I even woke up thinking about it and drifted off to sleep with it on my mind! I also apologise if any med terms are British as opposed to American.

Chapter 10 

They shut the door quietly and retreated to the sofa.

"Thank you" said Carter "For letting me help put Michael to bed, especially as I was late"

"You're welcome. You have to get to know each other if you're going to spend time alone with each other"

"Really?" he asked

"I don't want to deny you, your son or Michael his father" she admitted to him.

"So" he said after a pause and with a mouthful of pizza "You going to tell me what happened?"

"Sure, sitting comfortable?" she asked and he nodded "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be" he replied

"Well" she began "He wasn't very old before I noticed..."

0o0

_"I don't know" said Abby as she winded Michael "I'm sure babies don't posset this much"_

_"Until you actually have one of your own, you don't realise how much and often they do spit up" Susan told her "Cosmo was always spitting up"_

_"It doesn't feel right. I've got a bad feeling about this"_

_"That's just because you're his mother as opposed to his doctor" explained Susan "Things are much clearer when you're the doctor. Everything becomes this snowball of worry when you're the parent. If this was your patient what would you tell the mother?"_

_"What?" asked Abby_

_"That's what I say to myself when I think I'm overreacting. If I was in my doctor hat what would I do?"_

_"Run tests" Abby said_

_"Abby! That's still your Mom hat not your doctor hat. He's putting on weight isn't he?" Susan asked_

_"A little, but……."_

_"Then that's good yeah?"_

_Abby sighed and shrugged "I'm not sure about this Susan I think he needs to get checked out"_

_"He didn't spit up that much, it always looks loads but actually isn't much at all, trust me"_

_Abby still unconvinced nodded and said "I never knew that I would feel like this, this responsibility is so big, he's so tiny and I have to make the right choices"_

_"Quit worrying Abby you're doing fine. He's only four weeks old" Susan told her cooing over Michael until Cosmo edged his way in feeling rather left out._

_0o0_

_"Oh Abby, he's so gorgeous, just like you were when you were a baby" Maggie said lifting Michael out of his baby chair and cooing over him "Oh Abby I just want to eat him up he's so delicious"_

_"Please don't" Abby said "I have food in the cupboard if you're hungry"_

_"Have you told his father?" Maggie asked_

_"You know I did, you prised it out of me"_

_"I mean since he was born" Maggie clarified_

_"What good will that do? He didn't answer any of my letters"_

_"Oh I don't know but he couldn't resist this little one"_

_Abby rolled her eyes to the ceiling before saying "I'm not writing him again, the last time I wrote I said I wouldn't bother him again and I meant it"_

_"It just seems such a shame, especially as his first baby died Abby"_

_"Don't tell me I know, it's sad. I can't imagine how it was for them to lose their baby like that. If I was ever to lose Michael….."_

_"Oh Abby, don't be so ridiculous he's five weeks old. Stop worrying so much" Maggie told her than added to Michael. "Aren't you lovely, yes you are, yes you are, my little one"_

_Abby turned and left her to it and went into the kitchen to make some coffee._

_"How long are you staying?" she called out to her Mom._

_"Abby I've just arrived and you're trying to get rid of me already"_

_"No not at all. I was curious that's all"_

_"I don't know A week maybe"_

_"Have you lost your job?"_

_"No!" Maggie looked at Abby shaking her head._

_"You're still taking your meds?"_

_"Abby, stop checking up on me. Like I'm a little kid, I'm your Mom"_

_Dryly Abby replied "I know that's why I'm checking"_

_"I'm fine everything's fine"_

_"That's why I'm worried" Abby muttered under her breath, she did however note that her Mom did appear to be okay._

_0o0_

_Abby sighed, she knew Susan meant well saying that she Abby had been overreacting but she couldn't get rid of this gut feeling that something was wrong. Most babies spit up, it was not uncommon but Michael seemed to be deteriorating before her eyes. The fact was he wasn't just spitting up, it was throwing up, projectile throwing up. Even with her doctors hat on she knew she wouldn't be happy about it until she had run some tests._

_She dressed him carefully, he had gone from being quite contented in the last few days to a miserable little thing despite what her mother said, who seemed unable to keep anything down. It could be a number of things she knew, ranging from a simple problem to a severe one._

_"Abby where you taking him it's barely __5am__ "said Maggie wandering into the bedroom half asleep._

_"I'm getting him checked out. I'm worried he's becoming dehydrated apart from anything else"_

_"It could just be a virus or something"_

_"It's the 'or something' which I'm concerns me. I'm taking him, now" she said firmly_

_"Well wait a minute. I'll come with you. You need one of us to think rationally"_

_"And that's you?" Abby said picking up Michael and taking him to his care seat_

_"At this moment yes, me. Is that so hard to understand?" Maggie replied_

_"With you yes" Abby answered curtly then seeing Maggie's hurt expression she added "Okay you can come, but hurry up okay?"_

_Maggie nodded._

_0o0_

_"I was thinking lactose intolerance or pyloric stenosis" said Abby to Luka as he examined Michael_

_"Will fix him up to an IV get some fluids in him" Luka said to Abby then to Malik ran off a series of blood tests and an ultrasound. Looking back at Abby he said "How's his weight gain?"_

_"Slow" she confessed_

_"Mmmmm" Luka mused_

_Abby fought the tears welling up behind her eyes "See" she said to Maggie "I wasn't overreacting"_

_"We don't know if anything's wrong yet sweetheart" said Maggie encouragingly_

_"Abby?" said Luka touching her on the arm. Abby looked up at him pain etched across her face "You did the right thing, bringing him in" he told her trying to be as reassuring as possible._

_0o0_

_"Okay got Michael a bed in peds" announced Luka coming into the room a little while later. "They said he'll go up to the OR later today"_

_Abby who was stroking Michael's hand looked at Luka and nodded._

_"You know Abby it's a fairly straightforward procedure. He'll be fine in a few days" he said_

_"I know" she whispered "I said to Susan last week I thought…..I thought something wasn't right, but" she stopped as the tears fell unchecked down her face and Luka looked at her compassionately before taking her into his arms for a comforting hug._

_"Is there something going on that you're not telling me?" asked Sam loudly as she walked into the room, her shift just beginning._

_Abby and Luka pulled apart. Abby wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and resumed her place next to Michael, Luka just glared at Sam._

_"I'm sorry" she said "I was joking, spur of the moment. What's going on?"_

_"Outside" said Luka pulling her by the arm and into the hall to explain as Maggie came past with a couple of coffees._

_0o0_

_"So explain to me Abby, what does this mean?" Maggie asked quietly as they sat on the peds ward with Michael waiting._

_"Pyloric stenosis. It's usually found in first born male infants, white babies normally aged between two weeks to two months old. It's the narrowing of the lower part of the stomach, so that the food can't get through to the small intestine which causes the vomiting" explained Abby feeling like she was reciting it out of a text book, but seeing Maggie expectant and interest face felt she had to continue "You remember the ultrasound, Luka found like a small olive shaped mass?"_

_Maggie nodded and said "Yes"_

_"Well that's an indication that it's pyloric stenosis. Apart from other things like the projectile vomiting, the loss of weight, his wrinkled skin. The operation entails the surgeon cutting through the muscles that have overgrown and thickened and then they stretch them"_

_"And the operation will make him better?" Maggie asked_

_"Yeah he'll be fine" Abby said trying to sound brave and confident._

_"Oh Abby, you don't have to pretend for me"_

_"Pretend what?"_

_"That you're not scared"_

_"Scared I'm terrified; he's my little baby Mom"_

_"I know sweetie, I know" said Maggie and the pair of them were probably the closest they had ever been in their entire lives._

_0o0_

_"What's Luka doing here? I thought his shift ended at seven" Susan asked coming up to the desk and addressing Sam._

_"He won't go 'til he knows Michael is okay" Sam explained "Is Luka sleeping in the lounge?"_

_"Looks like it. Michael who?" Susan asked_

_"Abby's Michael" said Frank "What's his last name anyway, Lockhart?"_

_"I don't know" replied Susan honestly shaking her head "What's wrong with him?"_

_"Pyloric Stenosis" supplied Frank_

_"Oh dear and I told her she was over reacting last week when she said she thought he had a problem"_

_"You didn't?" said Haleh_

_"Well you know" said Susan shrugging "I thought she was going through that 'New Mom' panic phase. Where are they now?"_

_"Peds" supplied Frank_

_"We're not that busy yet, I'll pop up and see them. Any problems page me, is you're desperate wake Luka" Susan told them before she headed to the elevator._

_0o0_

_Susan watched them through the glass and hoped Maggie was being helpful as opposed to a hindrance. Michael looked so tiny lying in the hospital crib. The tubes seemed to dwarf his small body and suddenly she felt emotional for Abby. She slowly entered the room and walked up to them._

_"I just heard I'm sorry Abby" Susan whispered as Abby stood and shared a brief hug with her before resuming her place at Michael's side. "If there's anything I can do" Susan added feeling inadequate, Abby looked at her and nodded before Susan walked away stopping to talk to the peds attending in the hall._

_0o0_

_Abby had wanted to go with them to the OR but Maggie held her back "Come on Abby. How about some fresh air?"_

_"No I can't leave" she replied_

_"Just for five minutes?" Maggie persisted_

_Abby shook her head "No" she said biting her lip. She felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster. She had to be strong for Michael and all she felt like doing was curling up in a ball and crying._

_"Oh Abby" said Maggie as she pulled her daughter into her embrace "It's going to be okay. He's strong, like you, he'll pull through, he'll be fine"_

_Sniffing Abby pulled away and went to look out of the window. It was sunny despite being a cold March morning. She wondered what the weather was like in the __Congo__. What Carter was doing now, maybe it was for the best that he didn't know his son Michael was ill. She thought back and recalled how he had been after he had lost his first child. There were no words she could offer him then that could cover the enormity of the situation he had been in. She was glad he wasn't reliving some of those memories and feelings now with her. If she was thinking about them, she knew that he would definitely be doing the same, if he had been with her here today._

_She felt angry that he hadn't replied to her letters but on top of that today she felt lost without him. Not that they had been close emotionally since their relationship had dissolved. But if she thought hard enough she could just imagine him standing next to her with his hand comfortingly placed on her shoulder._

_"Abby, Abby"_

_Abby turned and saw Luka standing there, he looked exhausted. "Shouldn't you be at home asleep?" she whispered_

_He shrugged and replied "I thought you could use some company"_

_"Maggie's here somewhere"_

_"She's out the front, getting some fresh air and polluting her lungs and everyone else" he informed her._

_"Oh, thanks I appreciate some company" she told him, giving a sad smile._

_"Coffee?" Luka asked "I could use one"_

_"That sounds good" Abby replied and they walked to the machine together, bought their drinks and sat in the waiting area._

_"What were you thinking about? When I first got here?" Luka asked_

_"Carter" Abby told him_

_"Oh" said Luka "I don't understand why he didn't reply" he commented "It's not like him"_

_"I know" she sighed "me either"_

_They fell into a companionable silence each lost in their own thoughts._

_0o0_

_"Luka still upstairs?" Susan asked Frank some time later_

_"Yeah" he answered "Little lad's out of surgery, he's doing okay"_

_"That's a relief" said Susan letting out a breath she hadn't been aware she had been holding. "It's still quiet; I might go up and see"_

_"Again, you went up there earlier" Frank commented_

_"And now I need to go again, Dr Huffman is here"_

_"And not for much longer, I heard he has given his notice" said Frank of the attending who had replaced Dr Lloyd who had replaced Carter._

_"Not to my knowledge" Susan told him in 'a don't argue' with me tone._

_"Okay, okay" said Frank "I just heard"_

_"Do your job Frank, quit with the gossip" Susan said. crossly._

_0o0_

_Abby was crying again but this time they were tears of relief that Michael was okay and that surgery had gone smoothly. In the professional capacity she knew it was a straight forward procedure but in her Mom state her feelings and emotions had gone haywire. Michael was so small and vulnerable. He had to rely on her alone for day to day support, guidance, love, comfort, she was his sole provider. Okay she knew there were fantastic girls at day care, her sitter, her friends but the bottom line was she, Abby Lockhart could not mess up. Not this time, she had to follow through, she was better now at completing things she started, successfully too which was a bonus._

_Abby gently caressed Michael's small hand then bend over the hospital crib and kissed his forehead gently as he slept in a peaceful slumber. She looked up and smiled at her own Mom on the other side and understanding, comfort and love passed between them._

_0o0_

_Luka was looking fondly through the window at the trio when Susan arrived and stood beside him._

_"You should get home even if it's for a couple of hours" she told him._

_"Not much point" he answered._

_"Chief of emergency medicine's orders" she added half joking "I'm glad Michael's okay. They look kind of serene all together; I don't want to disturb them_

_"Me either" he agreed._

_"You know, it's kind of good Carter isn't here"_

_"Abby mentioned Carter earlier, said she was thinking about him" Luka told her._

_"I wonder whether it's sticking our noses in too much if we wrote or emailed him or something" she mused_

_"It is" Luka replied_

_"Is what?"_

_"Sticking our noses in" he clarified. "Carter will come back, when he's ready"_

_"If he comes back"_

_"I'm sure he will at some point. Deep down he won't be happy out there forever". Luka said thoughtfully. "Whether it's to have a meaningful father son relationship with Michael or not, he'll return"_

_"Well we could do with his skills as an attending Dr Huffman isn't a patch on Carter, better than Steve Lloyd not no way as good as Carter"_

_0o0_

_Forty eight hours later Abby took a much improved Michael home. And forty eight hours after than Michael and Abby saw Maggie off at the bus station, after her extended visit. Abby cradled Michael close and watched as the bus travelled out of sight. Then she kissed the top of his head and said "Let's go home sweetheart"_

_0o0_

"……..well that's about it" she said ending her tale.

"You know it's a pretty routine procedure" Carter said

"You're looking at it objectively because you weren't there. You didn't have to live through it. Watch him in discomfort and pain. It nearly broke my heart"

"You're right I'm sorry" he said nodding and biting his lip "I would have been a mess, we could have been a mess together".

He tilted his head as he surveyed her and she smiled, sighed and said "Yeah" then pulled her hand out of his, suddenly aware that they were entwined and not sure when that had occurred, causing Carter to shift nervously in his seat.

There was an awkward silence that followed and Carter finally said "Thanks for sharing"

"I was gonna tell you" she said "It helped that I could do it when we weren't yelling at each other"

"I think we're over that bit, for a while anyway" he commented and they shared a smile.

Abby let out a long sigh and Carter said "It's getting late, I'd better go" and he shifted to the edge of the seat.

"Oh you don't have to" she replied

"No I do, you're tired and I've got some reading to do"

"Before midnight?" she teased knowing that it would be after before he started, if he started

"Yeah" he answered with another smile

"We'll have to arrange a time you can see Michael properly when neither of us have a shift" she suggested

"That sounds good, thanks" he said as he slid into his jacket and she walked with him to the door and saw him out.

Shutting the door she leant against it wondering how the future was going to pan out. Meanwhile Carter sat in his car and smiled and felt the happiest he had been in ages, sad about what had happened to Michael, but happy that he had Michael in his life, and Abby kind of too.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's note: Thank you for your reviews. Sorry the waiting for the update has been so long. Question answering time: Tabitha:I have not disclosed Michaels surname, at the moment it's not really relevant anyway but if you all would like or feel the need to know I will try and write it in. Carbyfan: Thanks for the ideas. Carbytothecore: Sorry you didn't think there was enough Carby in the last chapter but it was meant to be a flashback to a time when Carter wasn't in Chicago and therefore he didn't feature much in the chapter at all.Hope this chapter is slightly better for you. MissyMaura: I got the idea from some friends of mine whose baby had pyloric stenosis.

Chapter 11

"Ready" asked Abby who was waiting with Michael at the desk for Carter, Carter nodded and they left the hospital together.

"Carter's pally with Abby last couple of weeks" commented Morris to the others who stood there.

"Maybe it's got something to do with Michael" suggested Malik

"How do you work that out?" asked Ray

"He lost his baby. Michael's pretty cute, anyone would want to spend time with him" explained Malik

"Maybe, are Carter and Abby getting back together?" Pratt asked

"They went out?" asked Rupert a third year med student drinking in this gossip.

"Ages ago yeah" Malik informed him

"Wow" said Rupert stunned

"They don't seem romantically together though. I think Malik's idea is more likely" said Jerry

"Yeah, why wouldn't he want to date her anyway, there's much more better chicks about that Abby"

"Shut up Morris" said Ray shaking his head in disagreement.

"What is this? A mothers meeting?" asked Susan taking them all by surprise at which they all looked at her sheepishly before getting on with their work.

0o0

"Are you ready for this?" Abby asked turning in her seat to face Carter as he pulled up outside her apartment.

"Yeah" he said looking straight at her.

She pursed her lips, raised her eyebrows and said "okay"

"And you?" he asked "Are you ready?"

She started to bite her bottom lip as she nodded and whispered "Yeah"

"I'll bring him back" he told her with a smile "I promise"

"I know" she sighed and before letting herself out of the jeep she swivelled round and kissed a sleeping Michael goodbye, turning back to Carter she added "Look after him"

"You know I will" he said softly "It's only for a couple of hours"

"See you later Carter she said as she shut the car door behind her and walked slowly away.

She wandered into her apartment it seemed empty somehow without Michael, here, with her. After staring mindlessly out of the window for ten minutes or so she pulled herself together and began to use the time productively, doing all those things she normally found impossible with Michael standing attached h to her leg or crawling around on the floor. She smiled to herself as she picked up a recent framed snapshot of him and wondered what he was up to now with his father, Carter.

0o0

Carter had felt extremely proud as he walked into his house with a half awake Michael in his arms. He took of both of their outdoor clothes before talking gently to Michael giving him a tour of the downstairs of the house before ascending the stairs to the upper floors.

"And this is your room, especially for when you come stay the night" Carter told Michael who gazed at his father seemingly absorbing all that Carter was telling him. Carter had had the room decorated only days before choosing another room to that which had been intended for Joshua. As the thought of Michael having that room was too painful to endure and Michael deserved a room that was specially chosen for him.

Carter turned his head towards Michael, smiled and Michael babbled back to him and in that moment Carter felt an overwhelming surge of pride and love. "You wanna play?" he asked Michael sitting him down on the floor.

Michael, who was obviously aware he was in an unfamiliar place with a man he was only beginning to get to know, scrunched up his little face and began to howl. "It's okay" Cater said joining Michael on the floor and sitting Michael on his lap, then reaching across to a large wicker basket full of new toys he had purchased that week especially for occasions such as this.

Michael snuggled into his father as he was the only slightly familiar thing in his life at that moment, as Carter rummaged through the basket and drew out a multi activity soft giraffe with scrunchy bits, squeaky bits, rattley bits, and a friendly smiley face.

"Hey Mr Giraffe" Carter said to the toy shaking it to make it jingle "Say hello to Michael"

Michael looked from him to the brightly coloured giraffe as Carter shook it again trying to divert Michael's attention. His short baby arms stretched out as he tried to grab the toy and Carter placed it in Michael's arms and was rewarded with some baby babble.

"You like him Michael?" Carter asked pausing before adding "He's yours"

Carter watched ad Michael who was now nine months old jangled and chewed the giraffe. He felt the tears well up in the back of his eyes as he thought of all that he had missed of Michael's life so far. In fact he had missed more than he had shared and that made his heart ache almost uncontrollably. However he couldn't describe the joy he felt sitting here with Michael. The only thing missing he decided in that split second was Abby. Abby? Why was he thinking of her like that?

0o0

Carter pulled out his gloves and slid his hands into them. December was definitely here, it wouldn't be too long until Christmas he thought and he began to develop some plans for sprucing up the house to make it festive for when Michael came to visit. It was a bitterly cold afternoon and a he walked by a café he considered stepping in for a coffee. It was then, at that moment when he paused that he became aware of three customers inside. He stood unobtrusively by the menu which was displayed in the window for some moments watching them. They sat at a table covered with a red checked cloth consuming coffee and pie and they smiled and laughed together. Abby fed something to Michael who sat in a highchair clapping and waving his hands to the delight of the adults. Carter felt a stab of pain in his heart as he watched Abby laugh and joke with the man. He knew they were friends, but here they were sharing coffee and pie as they, had once done. It was not the first time he had been jealous of this man and his friendship with Abby, but he resolved to make it the last. Abby was his, his and Michaels and he Carter had a lot of work to do if they were to become the family he wanted them so badly to be. Not because of his desire to have a family, or for providing a stable environment for Michael but for the place Abby Lockhart had unknowingly secured in his heart.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note The writing in italics is again flashbacks. Hope there is more Carby in this chapter for you all. I thought this was going to be a short chapter but it's longer than I imagined. Hope this chapter also answers some of your questions.

Chapter 12

Carter put the finishing touches to the tree standing in the lounge and took at step back to admire his handiwork. The red and gold blended well with the green pine. Two weeks had gone by since he had seen Abby and Michael out with Ray. Since he, Carter had made a fool of himself, in front of them.

He recalled back to that afternoon, when suddenly she had looked up and caught him standing there watching them. She had looked anything but guilty as she stared back at him, long enough for Ray to look up and spot Carter too. He turned then and left, she hadn't come after him and why should she?

If anything he, Carter had pushed her away, kept his distance, not encouraged her to build a relationship with him despite their common bond of Michael. He had not really said or done anything that would make her think that they were more than friends.

He sat down on the sofa, remembering that day wandering aimlessly round the streets for a long time before arriving back home, cold, tired, hungry and angry, more with himself than anyone else.

He thought back to the phone call he had made.

_"Hello" Abby said_

_He sat holding the phone to his ear not sure what to say._

_"Hello?" she asked again her voice holding a measure of uncertainty_

_Sensing this he replied "It's me"_

_"John? Are you okay?" she asked concerned not only as he hadn't spoken at first but also for the way he had been outside the café._

_"Um, yeah" he said hesitantly not sure what to say_

_"You know, he had a bad day"_

_"Who?"_

_"You know who, Ray"_

_"Ray"_

_"I was just helping, listening" she said after a particularly long pause in the conversation_

_"Really?" said Carter in a hurt tone_

_"What's with you? I can see whoever I want when I want; I wasn't doing anything wrong, what's wrong with you?" She answered annoyed and confused with his reaction_

_"Abby" he said changing his tone somewhat as he realised he had been overreacting. "I rang to say sorry"_

_"Oh" she said taken aback _

_"For rushing off, for not stopping to say hi"_

_"If you'd come in you could have joined us you know" she said less defensively_

_"Really?" he said sadly_

_"Really. We couldn't understand why you walked off, at least Ray didn't"_

_"You did?"_

_"Mmmm I have some theories"_

_"Tell"_

_"That you're not happy about Michael spending time with Ray, you're jealous of the time he and Michael have spent together, time you could have spent together if you had been here"_

_"Not exactly"_

_"Then what John?"_

_"Umm well you were along the right lines" he admitted not quite ready to tell her he wanted her back and knowing that it wasn't the right time anyway._

_"Is there anything else? 'Cause I really need sleep"_

_"No, not right now, I'll catch you later, yeah?"_

_"Sure thing Carter, night"_

_And he waited until he heard her hang up the phone before he ended the call._

He jolted himself back to the present, but not before wishing that he had at least waved at them that day.

0o0

Christmas Eve 2006

"Okay have fun guys" said Abby kissing Michael and handing him to Carter as they stood on the threshold to Carters house.

Carter and Michael watched as she got in her car and disappeared from view, they were about to go in when a cab pulled up and none other than Jack Carter got out. It was then that Carter realised that he had not gotten round to talking to his father properly since he had been back, let alone tell him about Michael or ask him what had happened to the letter Abby had written.

0o0

"I don't know John, I'm sorry" Jack said

"You don't remember even receiving a letter like that?"

"No and it was months ago now. I don't know what happened to it, mail sometimes goes astray, it seems to me it would have been better if you had opened the ones that she sent you"

"Humph" grunted Carter in reply

"Well you can't say she didn't tell you" Jack stated while watching Michael stand at Carters feet and admiring his grandson from a distance.

"I'm not saying that I'm saying you should have forwarded the letter on to me"

"And you probably would have put it in the box with the others, at that time, so there wouldn't have been much point"

Carter digested this comment and had to agree what his father said was right at the time he wasn't ready to know.

"So you're staying for the holiday then?" he asked begrudgingly

"Thought I might" Jack said nodding

"You could have rung first, let me know you were coming"

"I thought that might give you the opportunity to make some excuse and dissuade me"

"Mmm you've got a point"

"I know that's why I thought a surprise would be better"

"Okay, well I've got Michael for the rest of the day; want to get to know him"

"I'd love to" said Jack thinking that was the best thing that Carter had said to him since he had arrived.

0o0

"That's it, I'm off" said Abby as she handed her remaining charts over to Neela

"Abby, Morris is late you couldn't stay and cover for a bit?" asked Luka who was the senior member of staff at that moment and wanted to make a quick exit himself.

Abby sighed and said "No, sorry, I've got to pick up Michael yet"

"Day care is open for another half hour" Luka added

"He's not in day care today" she replied pulling her scarf tight and slipping her hands into her gloves. "He's spending the day with his Dad"

"I didn't think he had a Dad" said Jerry

"Everyone has a dad somewhere" said Neela and the others gave her look for pointing out the obvious.

"Well…." said Abby turning round to face them

"Sorry I'm late" Morris said coming up to the desk, looking rather harassed.

"Good" said Abby then to Luka "So this lets me off the hook?"

Luka nodded and said "Yeah"

"You were about to tell us about Michael's Dad" prompted Jerry

"I was?" Abby asked

"Yeah you were" said Neela for despite having a close friendship with Abby, Abby had not disclosed these details.

"Oh" she said looking at Luka who raised his eyebrow at her as if to say 'well are you going to tell them?'

Fixing her eyes back on the group she took a deep breath and said "John" they all looked at none the wiser and she added "Carter" before turning and walking briskly out of there.

Everyone except Luka started questioning what she had just revealed. Luka smiled and it was then Sam said to him "You knew. Didn't you? About Carter and Abby"

"Knew what?" he said very calmly

"Did you, did you know?" asked Jerry

Luka looked round the desk at them and answered "Yes I knew"

"You could have told me" Sam said hurt

"No I couldn't. She told us in the strictest confidence"

"Us?" asked Jerry

"Susan and I" clarified Luka

"When did you find out?" asked Neela

Luka shook his head thinking about it. "About a year ago I guess"

"Wow" said Morris stunned "Are you sure it's his?" Luka glared at him and Morris continued saying "I must be getting started", and he picked up a few charts and tried to look as busy and be as far away from Luka as possible.

Luka grunted something in Croatian as he glared after Morris.

"So, his surname is Carter then?" asked Rupert

"No" said Luka shaking his head "Wyzcenski. Her maiden name"

"Oh right yeah" said Neela "Makes sense"

"Carter won't like that much" mused Jerry

"I don't know Abby gave him John as a middle name" informed Luka

"Michael John Wyzcenski" clarified Sam

And Luka nodded.

"I thought you said they weren't a couple now though?" asked Rupert

"They're not" Luka said

"But what I want to know…." Jerry started

"That's enough" said Luka in a commanding tone "Let them get on with their lives"

0o0

She rang the bell and was surprised when Jack answered it. "Abby, good to see you" he said and kissed her on the cheek which surprised her, even more.

"Jack" she managed to mumble as he took her coat and ushered in to the lounge

"Drink?" he asked

"Coffee. Where are they?" she asked and he smiled

"John's bathing him"

"Oh. I'll leave them to it then" she answered returning his smile.

In a few moments he was back and handed her the coffee he made, "Michael's special, you should be proud of him" Jack said

"I am" she replied and he could see the love she had for him in her expression. He just wished that they were more united as a family.

0o0

"We really must go, it's getting late" Abby said to Carter and Jack.

"Wait at least until we have exchanged gifts" Carter begged looking pleadingly at her with his puppy dog eyes. To which she could never refuse even if she was mad with him.

"Well….Okay" she said slowly not letting him know she had caved immediately.

"Come sit by the tree" He said and she took Michael and sat him between her legs as he automatically reached out to touch the shiny paper. "Dad you too" he added indicating to Jack to join them.

Jack studied them for a minute thinking that if you just saw them together round the tree you'd think they were a happy family, together, still he mused there was time as he sat on the floor beside Carter.

"For you" Carter said handing Abby an envelope, wanting to get this gift over with first.

Puzzled Abby took it from him, opened it and read it. She looked up at him and raised her eyebrows and sighed "Okay Carter you win" she said

"Really, you accept it"

"It would be rude to refuse, it's rather a large gift though don't you think"

"No. I wanted to give it to you and you said no but I thought wrapped up as a Christmas gift was different"

"Crafty, John Carter, not different, crafty" she told him and he looked sheepish and she read the card again which wrote off the debt she owed him.

"Now Michael" said Carter, trying to lighten the mood and placed a shiny wrapped gift on Michael's lap which Abby unwrapped for him. There was a box, Michael by this time was more interested in the paper scrunching it up in his small hands and laughing with glee.

Abby carefully opened the box and Carter looked from Jack to Abby and then to the box.

"Wow Carter" said Abby as she held the silver feeding set.

"Was that yours?" asked Jack

""Yes"

"Really?" Abby asked

"Yes" he said nodding, remembering when he had given it to Kem but how he had brought it back with him several months earlier.

"It's beautiful, thank you. Maybe he should keep it here"

"No you can take it home with you" he said to her smiling

"I got something for you too, from both of us" and she moved to retrieve it from her bag.

She handed Carter the gift and as he began to open it she swallowed hard and hoped that he would like it.

"Wow Abby" he said as he held the framed picture of Michael in his hands and studied it

"You like it?"

"Yeah"

"I got it done at that new photographer"

"Were there any more pictures?" asked Jack looking at the picture which had captured Michael to a T.

"Yeah I can get you some if you like" she offered "I got some done for my Mom, who's threatening to visit again"

"I'd like one on my desk" Jack told her smiling

"We'd really better go now" Abby said after a moment of awkward silence and started to get up picking Michael up as she stood, who was getting grouchy now but fighting to stay awake.

"Abby?" Carter said suddenly "Stay?"

"What?"

"The night, it's late, I've a couple of spare rooms, it's no trouble"

She looked from Jack to Carter to Michael weighing up the, for's and against's of this question and what it meant.

"Er… Carter…" she began

Carter cut her short saying "Please Abby, stay" looking straight at her biting his lip and waiting for her reply.


	13. Chapter 13

Authors Note: Sorry for the delay was debating about two endings I had for the chapter. Thank you for your continuing support. Hope there's enough Carby in this chapter for you all. In fact I hope it is not too mushy.

Chapter 13

She could hear the screech of tyres of the vehicle as it tore round the corner. The shouting made her head reel and the screaming penetrated into the furthest recess of her mind. She tried to run but she was stuck, she couldn't move as she felt a paralysing fear grip her and it all became so real.

She sat bolt upright in bed shaking and shivering at the same time, the only sounds were her ragged breathing which was almost out of control. She shut her eyes but the images of the dream came flooding back and she forced then open again.

Where was she? The room was unfamiliar and she took time to gaze round the dark room her eyes now accustom to the darkness and she forced her breathing back to normal. Where was Michael? She leapt out of bed and instantly regretted it as the room began to sway in front of her; she sat down again to compose herself. On feeling better she crossed the room to the window and pulled the drapes a little and looked out into the night sky. All of a sudden she realised where she was, at Carters.

Feeling better now she knew where she was, where Michael was she moved, still somewhat shakily to the door and wrapped herself in the robe that Carter had loaned her. It was too large, but felt soft and warm and smelt comfortingly of John.

She carefully opened the door and padded along to Michael's room where she watched him sleeping in his cot. She smiled and traced her index finger down the side of his face before retreating out and shutting the door quietly behind her. Then she made her way down the stairs to the kitchen.

0o0

Carter wasn't sure what woke him as bleary eyed he looked at the clock which read a little after four. He sat up slowly and got out of bed slipping into his dressing gown before heading to Michael's room. The monitor hadn't showed that he was awake but Carter wanted to make sure. He stood in the door way and saw that Michael was snug, safe and fast asleep.

Sighing Carter rubbed his eyes but then noticed that the door to Abby's room was open, on reaching it he discovered that she wasn't there but saw the faint glow of light coming from downstairs so he went to investigate.

She was making a drink when he stepped up behind her and cleared his throat to gain her attention. She jumped so much she spilt the hot water over her hand and cursed under her breath.

"Sorry" Carter said and took her hand and stuck it under the faucet and turned on the cold water. She didn't reply and he thought that odd. "You okay?" he continued. She nodded but didn't look at him and it was then that he noticed that she was shaking. "Abby"

"I'm okay" she whispered

"No you're not" he replied taking her hand and patting it dry on a tea towel before inspecting it closely. "Your hand looks okay" he commented.

She sniffed and looked at him forcing a smile and he examined her face carefully and she looked away and muttered "Coffee?"

"Abby" he said "Look at me" he turned her back round to face him "What is it? You know you can tell me" he added gently thinking she looked like she needed a hug and wondering whether he should initiate one or not.

"It's okay" she paused and sighed "I had a dream, that's all"

"It can't have been good you're shaking"

"That was just you making me jump"

Carter raised his eyebrows and looked at her as if to say 'if you think I believe that you're wrong'

"Oh okay" she relented seeing his expression "yeah it wasn't the best dream. I don't know if I want to talk about it though"

"Sometimes it helps" he suggested

"I….I…"

"What Abby? You what?"

She sighed and he wasn't sure whether she was going to tell him what was bothering her or not, but he couldn't just stand there and do nothing, so he threw caution to the wind and slowly pulled towards him for a hug. She didn't resist him which he thought was a good thing and they stayed there together for what seemed ages as she buried herself into him and drew comfort from the embrace. And he stood there and waited until she was ready to speak.

Finally she pulled away and said "It was because I was here, not that your home isn't good. Unfamiliar, things like this seem to set them off"

"Set what off?"

"The dreams"

"You get them much?" he asked concerned

"Can we sit?"

"Mmm" he said and they went into the lounge and sat side by side on the sofa their bodies touching.

"Usually only when things go wrong or when I have a bad day or very stressed"

"Is it always the same, the dream I mean?"

"More or less" she stopped and they looked at each other and he willed her to continue "You want to hear it all?" and he nodded and she continued "It's usually the same kind of thing. I hear them yelling to me 'Don't you let him die' and then the youth turns into Michael and I can feel myself crying, sobbing. I try CPR over and over but it never works and it switches from the youth to Michael in quick succession and I'm fighting to wake up but I can't. Then I feel the gun at my neck and the cold metal feels like it's really there and I am filled with this fear, despair, hopelessness. Then I wake up"

"I thought the dreams had stopped" he stated "You said…"

"I know but sometimes people don't really want to hear how you're doing, how you're feeling and it's easier to say that you're fine"

"But you're so much better at expressing yourself since you became a doctor"

"I'll take that as a compliment" she said with a half smile and he couldn't help but smile back.

"I still get dreams sometimes" he confessed

"What do you dream about?" she asked

"Various things all muddled into one. It's like all the bad things come to haunt you at once"

"I know what you mean" she told him and sighed, and shivered

"Cold?" he asked and she nodded and he reached and grabbed the comforter and threw it over them both. "Better?" and she nodded again

"Thanks"

"For what?"

"Listening, being here with me. Normally I sit at home fighting the urge to do something stupid, like have a drink, cigarette, not that I have either in the house and taking Michael out in the middle of the night requires too much effort, thankfully"

"You still go to meetings?"

She shook her head and said "Rarely I have to get a sitter for Michael, after he was ill I was dreaming a lot, I felt quite alone, desperate even though Susan, Luka and the rest of the guys from work were great"

"It's good you're holding everything together"

"One look at Michael tells me it's all worth it and more"

"Yeah" he said and she yawned and momentarily laid her head on his shoulder before resting it on the back of the sofa.

"You want to go back to bed, to sleep?" Carter asked

Abby shook her head "No I won't be able to sleep now, never can"

"You can sleep with me. I mean so you won't be alone. Not to sleep, sleep with me" he said deciding that his choice of words had not been the most appropriate

She gave a laugh and told him "No. it's okay, that wouldn't work either, I'd still be thinking about the dream" Carter let out a breath he hadn't been aware he had been holding. "I'd just like to sit here, with you, unless you want to go back to bed"

"No this is good" he told her, relieved in a big way that they weren't going to be in bed together even if it was only for a cuddle, it would have been quite a strain on him to lie there with her. There was less temptation here in the lounge where Jack could enter at any time. "Want to see if we can catch an old movie?"

"Yeah" she replied softly as he switched the television on and surfed the channels until they came to 'It's a wonderful Life'. "Let's watch this" she said

"Yeah? You sure?" he asked looking at her

"Yep"

And they snuggled down close together under the comforter to watch it.

0o0

The crying became incessant as he opened his eyes and looked at the clock and wondered why no one was comforting the child. So he got up slipped into his robe and went to look into the situation.

He discovered that his son or Abby were not in their rooms, so he went to see to Michael himself. The baby looked at him expectantly and Jack tried to remember what to do with a baby. He picked him up and although Michael looked warily at him he did not protest. Jack immediately discovered that one reason Michael was upset was the fact that he obviously needed a clean diaper. Jack couldn't recall the last time he had changed one if ever and not one of these new fangled disposable ones. He would just have to do the best he could.

"Well little fellow" he said having managed that task "You must be thirsty, shall we go find Mommy or Daddy huh?" and he took Michael downstairs to the kitchen where on opening the fridge found some bottles of milk and sighed with relief.

After setting the coffee maker on to do it's thing and provide him with a wake up call he and Michael walked through to the lounge where there on the sofa were Carter and Abby fast asleep. Jack didn't want to wake them, they looked so cosy snuggled there in each others embrace and besides it was a good opportunity for him to spend some time with his grandson.

"Come on" he whispered to Michael "Lets go back to the kitchen for a bit, there will be plenty of time to wake them up later" And there was.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note: Thank you for your reviews and support so far, glad you liked the Carby bit in the last chapter. Sorry that the updates are not very regular, I have a couple of things going on at the moment, please bear with me.

Chapter 14

Carter pulled Abby by the elbow into an empty room. "I can't believe you told everyone" he whispered.

"What?" she asked confused

"About me and Michael" he clarified

"Oh" she mouthed, "I was spontaneous" she added

He gave her a look which said 'You!'

She shrugged and said "What! They were gossiping and speculating and I thought what the hell" she paused, waiting for his reaction, then stated "You're mad"

He shook his head and said "No, mildly amused, very surprised, not mad" and smiled.

Suddenly Morris came bursting into the room "What are you two doing in here?"

"Talking" said Abby

As at the same time Carter said "Having a private conversation"

"Sorry" he said

"That will start the gossip again" said Abby watching as Morris headed for the desk after leaving them in the room together and started talking to Frank and Pratt.

Carter followed her gaze as they looked between the slats of the venetian blind together. When they turned back to face each other they banged heads.

"Sorry" said Carter and Abby smiled before he added. "Michael and I want to cook you dinner next Wednesday"

"Really?"

"What do you say?"

"I don't know I might like to go on a date or go out for the night, it's my birthday after all, you could have Michael stay with you" she teased

"You're going to get better offers than this? You usually work all day on your birthday, go home and do what?"

"Nothing, vegetate, clear up after Michael"

"Exactly, you've nothing better to do. So?" he asked looking expectantly at her

"Yeah well, it's the best offer I've had"

"It's the only offer you had, face it"

"Okay, you win"

"So it's a date then?"

"I didn't say it was a date" she said with a wry grin

"You said you wanted a date"

"With you? Michael will be there, hardly date circumstances"

He shook his head from side to side "True, but we could put him to bed first, he can sleep the night if you want, then we can have the meal together"

"You never give up do you?"

"No"

0o0

"Whoa, Michael, yay!" said Abby clapping as he took his first steps across Carter's lounge.

"Hey! What am I missing?" Carter asked entering the room aptly dressed for the task he was immersed in. With an apron around his waist, an oven glove on his right hand and a wooden spoon in his left.

"Michael, walking" she explained with a grin.

"Really!" Cater replied looking at Michael who by this time was sitting down in the middle of the room.

"Let's see if he'll do it again" suggested Abby who sensed Carter's disappointment. She lifted Michael up and stood him facing Carter a few feet apart.

Instinctively Carter bent down and said encouragingly "Come on Michael, walk to me" and then he opened out his arms.

Michael started tottering towards his father but lost his balance after a few steps. Carter however was thrilled anyway and stepped forward sweeping Michael up into the air and the baby squealed with delight. Carter then settled Michael in to the crook of his arm and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Wow little fellow, are you clever?" Carter said and Michael laughed "You are, yes you are" as Abby watched them both fondly.

0o0

"Happy birthday" said Carter raising his glass of orange juice to Abby's as if toasting her.

She sighed thinking about being one year older and said "Thanks"

Carter yawned and stretched as he longed back in the chair, the meal was over and Carter had impressed even himself with his culinary skills. He thought back to the evening and had had the best time ever with Michael and Abby here together with him, sharing his home even if it was only for a few short hours. It felt like they were a family, and in a way they were but not a together family and he did not know how to unite them to become a family unit.

"It late" Abby stated "I have to go; you want Michael to say the night with you. Yes?"

Carter looked up from his thoughts and said "Mmmm Sure, that's what we agreed right?"

Abby pushed the chair back and said "thanks for dinner it was great, better than take out pizza. And you made me laugh too"

"So did it constitute a date?"

She took a minute to think about this and said "No" and then grinned to which he grinned back. "Hope Michael's good for you"

"Doesn't matter if he's not" Carter said standing and walking Abby to the door.

"It was really great he walked today" she said feeling awkward and thinking that talking about Michael meant not having to talk about them.

"Yeah" Carter said softly. "It was"

She grabbed her coat and outdoor things from the bottom of the banister and put them on before turning to face Carter and taking a step towards him so that they were close.

"Thanks for everything" she repeated and reached up on her tip toes and planted a small kiss on his mouth.

The kiss took him by surprise; Abby was not one for initiating such things if he remembered correctly. His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her so that their bodies were touching. He gazed directly into her eyes before shutting his and lowering his mouth to hers.

0o0

"Are you and Carter an item?" asked Frank as Abby walked swiftly into the ER with Michael the next morning.

"What?" she asked partially breathless and taken aback at this random question

"You and Carter, an item?" he repeated

"Morning to you too Frank" she replied ignoring his question "I'm going up to day care be back in five"

"That will make you late" stated Frank

"You want to take Michael up to day care?"

"He's your kid, no I don't. You should get here on time" he said purposely winding her up.

She gritted her teeth and muttered some obscenity under her breath

"You should watch your language" Frank added "Kids pick up on the bad stuff fast"

"He's eleven months old Frank" she said exasperated leaving him there before she said something she'd regret and making towards the elevator with Michael.

"Have a good night last night?" asked Ray as she walked past

"What?" she asked.

"Your birthday, it was yesterday wasn't it?"

"Oh yeah, I had a great time thanks" she replied hoping that she didn't bump into anyone else before she got to day care.

Ray watched her blush as she replied and he turned away and said to himself with a small laugh and a smirk on his face "She had a very good night"

0o0

As he reached the desk Carter said jovially to Ray, Frank and Sam, "Good morning"

"What's good about it?" mumbled Frank "It's snowing, again, and it's freezing in here"

"Nothing" Carter replied casually flicking through the charts "Nice selection here" he commented.

"Nice selection?" echoed Ray then added "It's full of geriatric and homeless patients, what's good about that?"

"There's something good in everything" Carter told him then to Frank he said "Right anyone wants me I'll be back in five"

"Have you seen Abby today?" asked Frank

"Why?" asked Carter

"You're beginning to sound like her" he said

Carter grinned and without responding walked off, leaving Frank muttering under his breath, Sam complaining that she was overworked and underpaid and Ray grinning knowingly at Carter's retreating form, putting two and two together and correctly coming up with four.


	15. Chapter 15

Authors Note Thank you for your reviews, sorry I am slow at updating at the moment and that this is such a short chapter. Hope this chapter makes it clear about what occurred in the last.

Chapter 15

The ER was slammed it was one emergency after the other or three or four at once and everyone on shift was working flat out.

"Hey Susan!" called Ray "We got room for another trauma?"

"Yes the last one went up to the OR five minutes ago, how long out are they?"

"Ten. Multiple MVA some are going to Mercy"

"Great, what is it about today? Everyone has descended on us at the same time"

"That's what you get after two or three quiet days on the trot honey" Haleh said

"Yeah but why can't it be spread out more evenly" She muttered under her breath

"Cause it's more fun this way" Abby said and she walked by.

"No, that's not it" Susan said shaking her head. "Jerry!"

"Dr Lewis?" he replied

"You get hold of Carter?"

"No"

"Keep trying I need more attendings" she replied becoming more stressed out by each second that passed then added "Abby, you know where Carter is?"

Abby who was by her patient at curtain four shrugged and shook her head.

0o0

Carter lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling, wishing that the pain in his back and shoulder would cease and then he could get up and get on with something constructive. The morning had started off so well and then everything seemed to fall into a disaster right before his eyes. Moving slightly caused him to grimace, but he tried not to let it show and he shut his eyes to block out the pain and the people around him.

0o0

Abby's shift had flown by, in fact now she had been working two hours extra and was dying to go up to day care to collect Michael. She stood at the desk writing up some overdue paperwork, but her mind was elsewhere. Her thoughts were of two weeks previously, her birthday, the night she had slept with Carter, not that she regretted it she didn't, although their relationship was now the weirdest one she had ever had with anyone. She was pleased that this time they had remembered to use some protection otherwise she knew the chances of having a brother or sister for Michael would have been very probable. Abby didn't know if any of them were ready for that. She looked up and Morris was staring at her, and she shifted her eyes to the paperwork once more but her mind was still on Carter. She supposed they could class themselves as a couple, and Frank was still asking her if they were, almost everyday. Then there were the odd snide remark from Morris. She sighed and completed the form and took the next one on the pile, trying to focus her attention on what she was doing so that she could go and get Michael.

"County" barked Jerry into the telephone which had been incessant all day and then after listening to the person on the other end, put his hand over the mouthpiece and said. "Abby"

"Yeah" she called looking up and over at him.

"Mercy, for you" he said shrugging

"Oh ok" she replied picking up the phone and saying "Dr Lockhart, how can I help you?"

"My feet are killing me" Susan said joining them at the desk "What's new?"

Jerry shrugged "Abby's got a call from Mercy"

"She transfer a patient there?" Susan asked

Jerry shrugged again and they looked at Abby who was saying "What?... When?... No, okay I'll be there……… I just have to collect my son first………. Sure……..Whatever"

She put the phone down and rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger before turning to face them.

"I have to go Susan" she said

"To Mercy?" Susan asked frowning

"Yes. I have to go collect a patient"

"Not to bring here" Susan told her

"No, not to bring here, to take home"

"You're not making sense" said Susan "Or you are, and I'm so tired I can't follow"

"You asked me earlier where Carter was, it appears he has spent the day at Mercy"

"Why would he do that?" asked Jerry

"Apparently he was involved in the MVA and he got taken there instead of here" Abby explained shrugging "He asked for me, I have to go"

"Oh hell" said Susan "Call me and let me know the score later okay"

"Yeah" she said biting her lip, then she turned and walked off in the direction of the elevator to get Michael.

Jerry and Susan looked at each other and Susan said "I feel bad now, I was cursing all day 'cause we couldn't get hold of him" she rested her head on her hand

"He'll be okay, she did say she was going to collect him, so that means they're gonna discharge him" Jerry pointed out.

"That's true" said Susan

0o0

Abby sat in her car with Michael strapped securely in the back, the traffic was not moving and she couldn't see what was holding them up which made her worry about Carter all the more. Not that he was at death's door or anything, but he was still hurting and in pain and that made her heart ache and somehow want to make it better for him. She rubbed her hand across her tired eyes and knew it would be ages before she managed to get the sleep she desired. As the car in front moved a few feet forward she did the same and slowly made her way across the city.


	16. Chapter 16

Author's note

Thanks for your encouraging reviews. I am trying to keep the chapters short so that I can update more often.

Chapter 16

"Hi I'm Dr Lockhart" Abby said to the desk clerk at Mercy, with a sleeping Michael in her arms and secretly wishing the buggy had been in the trunk of the car and not standing by the door to her apartment.

"The doctors lounge is through there" the clerk replied not even looking up from the computer screen.

"No. I'm not here to work. I'm here to collect Dr John Carter, he's a patient here, you called me at work, at County" she said trying to jog the clerk's memory, if indeed this was the same clerk she had spoken to, the voice did sound similar after all.

"You came in an ambulance?" he asked and Abby decided it must be a different clerk or a very incompetent one.

"No I drove, I'm taking him home" she clarified shifting Michael to her other shoulder as he was heavy.

"And your relationship with him is….?"

Abby bit back the sarcastic reply and said instead "His friend…. His girlfriend"

The desk clerk pointed to a row of uncomfortable looking plastic chairs and indicated that she should sit in one, for which she was relieved as Michael was still sleeping and heavy in her arms. Abby had been sitting there a while, the stench from the man beside her was almost unbearable, but she couldn't move. Firstly without being rude and secondly there weren't any other seats available anyway. She watched the clock as the seconds ticked by and with each one she felt an increasing amount of anxiety. Just when she was contemplating going back up to the desk a particularly fresh faced doctor approached her.

"Mrs Carter" said the figure before her

Abby rolled her eyes, shook her head and said "No. No, no, no, there's been a misunderstanding, there's no Mrs Carter"

"Oh…umm…. You…. are um..?" the intern stuttered as Abby looked at his lab coat and read Dr I.M Adcock.

"Lockhart"

"Well Mrs Lockhart…"

"No I'm not Mrs, I'm Doctor"

"I'm sorry"

"No problem. Look where is he? Dr Carter I mean. When the clerk called he said that he was being discharged and could I come, he needed to be taken home" she explained, feeling exhausted and ready to drop but knowing that she wouldn't be able to relax and unwind for ages yet.

"Come with me I'll take you to him"

"Finally" she muttered to herself and followed him down the hall to one of the exam rooms.

There on the bed with pristine white sheets lay Carter, with his eyes shut and his face matching the linen.

"You sure he's fit to go home?" she asked

"Well we would have preferred it if he had stayed, but he was adamant about going home"

"Mmmmmm" commented Abby dryly

"He said that he was a doctor and that, well that he was fine. He would only take Tylenol too"

"Mmmmmmm" she said again in the same tone. "Okay" Then after a pregnant pause added "So has he actually been discharged?"

"No, we were waiting for you to get here"

"Well I'm here, let's get on with it"

"Sure, I'll be right back" he told her and left leaving Abby staring at a sleeping Carter.

She moved up to the bed and with her free hand took his medical chart and poured over its contents. A couple of broken ribs, broken collar bone, whiplash and various cuts and bruises she noted.

"Abby" Carter uttered his voice gravely from under use and pain.

"Hey" she said softly putting the chart back and looking at him tenderly. "This was going a bit far to get my attention" she added with a wry smile.

And he grinned back briefly before grimacing as he attempted to move. "I just want to go home" he told her.

"I know" she said "That's why we're here"

"You should sit down, he must be heavy" Carter added indicating Michael who still remained asleep.

"Tell me about it" she said sinking into the chair beside him.

"Have you been here long?" he asked

She glanced at her watch and said "About forty minutes I guess, so what happened? Can you remember?"

"I got caught in the middle of the pile up, I think"

"Oh, unfortunate" she said sympathising

"It could have been worse" he told her

"How?" she said

"Well if we did what we were going to do, Michael would have been with me"

"True" she agreed. "You know you're going to have to take it easy for a while"

He let out a sigh slowly as if to try and minimise the pain as much as he could and said "Yeah"

"I hope you are going to be able to walk, 'cause you know John I won't be able to carry you too" she said trying to take his mind off things and lighten the mood.

"That won't be a problem" he answered with a smile.

0o0

Abby remembered those words as she helped him through the front door, up the stairs, undressed him and got him into his bed. Before going back to put Michael down in his room at Carter's too. She checked that both the men in her life were sleeping before she entered the kitchen and made her self a coffee and toast as she was starving but too tired to make anything more substantial.

The cold woke her and she took some moments to wake up properly discovering herself on Carter's sofa. She stood and stretched and decided to check on Carter and Michael while she was upstairs looking for a blanket or comforter to wrap round her.

Michael was snoring gently in the cot and she walked over to him and stroked back his hair softly. Carter was not, he lay propped up in bed looking uncomfortable and wide awake.

"You're supposed to be sleeping" she chided gently. "Want some more Tylenol?"

He shook his head and said "No"

"I think" she said "That a few doses will be okay John"

He groaned "You're right I know, but I'm trying not to need it"

"You can try not to need it in a day or two, not now" she insisted

"You're right for once" he admitted grudgingly

"Ha ha" she retorted and fetched him a glass of water and a couple of tablets which he took from her without any further argument.

"What you doing up anyway?" he asked her

"Looking for a blanket, I woke up cold on the sofa"

"You know there are a couple of spare rooms, like the one you slept in last time"

"I wasn't intending to fall asleep, it just happened" she explained "I was going to get Michael and go home, not that you are in a fit state to be alone"

"You could stay" he suggested

"What?" she asked

"Here. Michaels got his room, you can have the guest room you used at Christmas" he said hoping that she would agree.

"Well two things are for sure, firstly I can't leave you alone for too long here and secondly we won't all fit comfortably in my apartment"

"Then come stay here" he said his eyes begging her to agree. "Just for a couple of weeks 'til I'm better"

"A couple of weeks? You mean a few weeks. You're not going anywhere anytime soon"

"So you'll stay? The bed's made up or you could come share with me?"

"I don't think that's on option right now do you?" she asked as the corners of her mouth lifted in a smile.

"A man can hope"

"Dream would be a better word, under the circumstances" she replied "Okay, I'll stay, in the guest room, okay?"

"Yeah" and he nodded

"You better try get, some sleep"

"You too, you look tired" he commented

"See you in the morning then Carter" she said and went over to the bed and kissed him on the forehead before turning the light out and leaving the room.

Leaving him there in the dark to ponder over the days events and although he was frustrated and annoyed at what had happened today, he was pleased that she was here to take care of him.


	17. Chapter 17

Authors Note

Thank you for encouraging comments. As before the italics is a flashback. Sorry it is a little short.

Chapter 17

Carter's last words were resounding in her head as Abby let herself and Michael into their apartment. He played with a selection of toys while she packed a few bags so that they could stay with Carter until he was back on his feet.

_"Michael can stay with me if you like" Carter suggested from his sick bed. Abby raised her eyebrows at his ludicrous suggestion and he added "What? I was trying to be helpful"_

_"You can be helpful by doing as you are told" she replied "You are barely fir to take care of yourself, so I'm hardly going to leave Michael with you"_

_He looked crestfallen but she knew she had said the right thing. Carter had fallen asleep before they had even left the house._

0o0

After checking on Michael who jabbered away to Abby in babble and to which Abby had replied "Really" and "Is that so" in various places in the child's conversation with her, she went to listen to her voice mail. There were three new messages awaiting her attention. Two were from Susan asking about Carter and she cursed herself for forgetting to call her as promised and the third was from Maggie. Asking or actually telling Abby that she and Eric were making the trip over to see them for Michael's first birthday at the end of next week. Abby inwardly sighed and picked up the phone to return the call.

"Mom did I wake you?"

"No Abby, it's fine I have to get ready for work anyway"

"I did wake you. Look I won't keep you it's about Michael's birthday…."

"Yes" cut in Maggie, "I've arranged to have a few days off work and booked the bus for Eric and I already"

Abby didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't very convenient Maggie sounded so happy at the prospect. Could she, Abby Lockhart cope with a grouchy and ill Carter, a lively Michael, work and Maggie and Eric all at the same time? The answer was, she had to.

"Abby! You still there?"

"Yeah sorry, I was just thinking"

"You need us to book a hotel or something?" Maggie asked sensing Abby's reluctance on the prospect of having them descend on her and Michael in her tiny apartment.

"No, that won't be necessary. You and Eric can have my apartment to yourselves. We're going to Carter's for a few weeks" The words tumbled out of her mouth before her brain registered that she hadn't mentioned John's return to Maggie.

"Carter? John Carter?" Maggie asked stunned

"Mmm, yeah" Abby mumbled

"He's back?"

"Obviously" Abby replied dryly

"And he knows about Michael?"

"He does now"

"Why are you staying with him?" Maggie asked hopefully

"He was in an accident. He needs a bit of TLC"

"And that's it?" Maggie asked wanting Abby to say there was more.

"Okay, we're kinda seeing each other, Happy?" Abby decided from Maggie's squeal that was an affirmative on the subject. "Don't go planning a wedding in your head or anything, promise?"

"Oh Abby would I do that. I'm so happy for you all though. Oh Abby I have to go Dumpy has peed on the floor. I'll see in next week, sweetheart, bye"

"Bye"

0o0

"You're late" said Susan to Abby as she came down the hall returning from taking Michael up to day care.

"Sorry. I had to go home and pick up some stuff to take to Carter's"

"How is he?" Susan asked concerned

"Not as good as he thinks he is" Abby told her. "Did you get the message I left with Frank?"

"Yeah, yeah. So it seems we'll be down an attending for several weeks then"

"What's new? We are always short staffed"

"True, but you know I kind of miss it when Carter isn't here" Susan told her and Abby smiled. "Why did you pick some stuff up, you going to stay with him?"

Abby tilted her head from side to side before saying "Yeah" she shrugged and added "Well he can hardly stay there all by himself"

"He's alone now I take it?"

"Well sure I have to work, but it makes me feel better if I know that I can be there some of the time" Susan laughed. "What?" asked Abby indignantly

"Awww you and Carter"

"What?"

"Don't what me I know you know"

"Know what?" said Abby shaking her head

"How it is between you two, deny it you may but I know and so does probably everyone else here at County" she told her before walking off leaving Abby staring after her as Susan graced her presence at the desk. Abby shrugged to herself and followed to pick up some charts and begin her working day.


	18. Chapter 18

Authors Note Thanks for your reviews and comments. It's really great to get them. Thank you.

Chapter 18

Carter grimaced and shut his eyes against the pain as he lay back against the pillows that Abby had fluffed for him that morning, cross with himself. It had been over a week, ten days in fact and he hardly felt any better and he also knew that he had been overdoing it, trying too much too soon. Lifting Michael yesterday when he had tottered along the hall and fallen over wasn't the best choice he had ever made in his life. His ribs and shoulder had painfully protested and Abby had yelled at him too which hadn't helped his frame of mind. He knew she regretted it afterwards, he saw her eyes soften moments before he turned away not wanting her to see the pain etched on his face. He didn't want her offering or insisting he take another dose of Tylenol.

Today was a special day, today was Michael's first birthday. Maggie and Eric had arrived yesterday and although Abby hadn't said anything, he knew she was finding it all stressful already. They, being Maggie and Eric were downstairs at the moment with Michael. They had wanted to look after him at Abby's apartment but Abby had been reluctant and Carter had suggested they spend the day here with him. Not that he was up to being a host, he thought as he laid there on the bed. Fully dressed in sweat pants and T-shirt listening for any sort of commotion from downstairs or for the phone to ring, or to hear Abby's key in the front door as her shift neared its end.

To be honest he didn't know what he would have done without her the past week or so. Apart from the nursing side of it and he only thought the other day, that it seemed eons ago since she was a nurse. They had spent a lot of time talking together sometimes with Michael playing at the foot of the bed and other times at night when he couldn't sleep. But she wouldn't share his bed with him.

Maybe the accident had been a blessing in disguise he thought trying to find a positive reason for the physical pain he was in. In the last ten days with Abby and Michael living in the same house as him, he had really started to feel like they were a family.

0o0

Abby walked through the door and met with what looked like a job for the rescue team after the bomb squad had failed to do their mission properly. Walking into the lounge she found Michael huddled into Eric both of them sleeping soundly on the sofa. Maggie was busy in the kitchen making a birthday cake of all things and upstairs Carter was snoring gently, propped up on the bed at a slightly awkward angle. She decided it was the best time for her to take a long hot shower which she so desperately needed.

She eventually exited her room and went to see Carter once more who had moved from the bed and she could hear him moving about his en-suite.

"Hey" he called as she turned to leave the room and she stopped and turned to face him.

He was looking better in the fact that his visible bruises had disappeared and he refused to wear the neck collar the hospital had provided. But he still walked carefully as if to protect his injuries and she could tell from looking into his eyes how much pain he was in at any given moment. And at this moment he was feeling okay she decided the rest obviously had done some good.

"Have you been downstairs?" she asked him

"No. Maggie's been very good brought me lunch and coffee at regular intervals. Oh and Michael once too" he replied with a grin

"Oh" she answered and walked up to face him examining him with her eyes and he watched as she scrutinized him.

"What's the diagnoses doctor, will I live?" he asked softly teasing her and grasped for her hand with his good arm.

"Yeah, I think you'll scrape through, especially as I discovered a treatment that really seems to work" she said trying to keep a straight face and succeeding.

"Abby!" he said warningly, wondering what she was going to suggest, he hadn't taken any Tylenol for two days and didn't want to again in a hurry either.

She smiled at him and gave a small laugh and then said "Want me to test it out on you?"

"I don't want any meds Abby, none" he said firmly letting go of her hand and using it to emphasis the point.

"Look I wasn't going to suggest any, I was going to suggest this" she told him and reached up and kissed him soundly on the mouth to which he had no argument for whatsoever.

They were still kissing when Maggie cleared her throat and said "Oh Sorry I didn't realise… I'll just leave this here…I'll be downstairs"

"No Mum wait, it's okay. Is Michael awake? Else he'll never sleep later"

"Yes, the cake's nearly done too; I made it especially for tea" she said with a smile. "You can't have a birthday without a special cake"

"We'll be right down" Carter said to Maggie with a smile while Abby was thinking that she hardly ever had a birthday cake throughout her entire childhood and wasn't completely sure if Maggie made good cakes or not.

Maggie left still apologising and Carter and Abby turned to each other and laughed.

"Abby, that was a good treatment the best yet" he said "And I think I could do with some more"

0o0

They all helped Michael open the presents, eat the cake (which turned out to be delicious), bath him and put him to bed before Abby drove Maggie and Eric back to her apartment and promised they could visit tomorrow too. When she arrived back at Carter's he was stacking up the dishwasher.

"Should you be doing that?" she asked

"I can't be off sick forever; I have to start doing things"

"I guess" she said reluctantly then shrugging "Coffee?"

He nodded his reply and after they made it they went and sat in the lounge together, each enjoying the silence.

Suddenly Carter said "What time of day was he born?"

"5.37am"

"Long labour?"

"Eighteen hours"

"You have a birth partner? Susan? Neela?"

"Nope"

"No one?"

"No" she said shaking her head

"Sorry"

"Why?"

"That I wasn't there"

"We've talked about this John"

"I know, but I've been thinking about it the last couple of days, stuck here alone. I missed so much"

"We can't change the past, despite wanting to, you know I'd change things I have done if I could"

"Not having Michael?" he asked alarmed

"No, not Michael, he's the best thing I've ever done, albeit with your help"

They sighed simultaneously and Carter yawned. "You should go to bed. Were they……Did they?" Abby asked nervously

"They were fine, really" he added

"Fine enough to have them come here tomorrow too" Carter nodded and Abby added "Even after everything that's happened?"

"So much has happened since then Abby, things that have changed my life, helped me to put priorities into perspective, not just mine but yours too"

"You want some help climbing the stairs" she asked as he rose slowly from the chair

"No. How do you think I manage when you're at work?" he asked with a grin

"Just don't go falling over any of Michael's new toys" she gently chided and he looked at the floor still scattered with gift wrap and presents.

After he had gone she spent the next hour clearing the place up and displaying the cards on the mantelpiece, before emptying the dishwasher which had run its cycle by that time.

She fell into bed exhausted, over tired even and it wasn't long before she started dreaming of things which still haunted her mind. Waking with a start she went to the bathroom then to watch Michael sleeping, she still could not get used to him having a room of his own whilst they stayed with Carter.

Leaning on the door jam she watched as Carter snored gently in bed, she took one look down the landing to her room before making a split decision, maybe if she wasn't alone she'd fall back to sleep again, she was so tired she knew that she and her patients would suffer the following day if she did not get a little more sleep at the very least. She tip toed across the room and gingerly slipped between the covers, careful not to make any sudden movements which would wake or jerk Carter and she lay down beside him. She spent long minutes looking up at the ceiling before falling into a deep slumber .


	19. Chapter 19

Authors Note Thank you for you kind reviews. As before the writing in italics is flashbacks.

Chapter 19

Carter couldn't believe he was back to work this morning. He'd been in the previous day for a medical exam and they had passed him. In his opinion he had been fit two weeks ago, but still, it had meant that he had spent loads of time with Michael going places when normally he Carter would be stuck in the ER and Michael stuck in day care.

They were still living with him despite the fact that he had been fine for these past few weeks. He didn't want them to leave, that was the bottom line and he didn't know if he wanted to bring the subject up either. He wondered if Abby would, somehow he thought she might, eventually.

She was still sleeping in her own room for the most part. Sometimes they spent the night together and occasionally he would feel her slip into bed beside him when she thought he was sleeping. He knew without her telling why, that was. For some reason she felt comforted he guessed after a nightmare. And he too had had one or two of those after the accident himself and talked it through with her.

She had been so patient with him, especially when he was such a pain in the butt, grumpy, miserable and in pain. Then when Michael had gotten a heavy cold and he was grumpy and miserable too, he thought that it might have been too much. Having said that she did yell at him a couple of times during that week for being a jerk, which if he was honest with himself he had been.

_"Carter, what are you doing?" she said glaring at him. Michael coughing chestily into her shoulder and wiping his constant running nose into her blouse._

_"Nothing"_

_"I could use some help here" she said her tolerance level low _

_"You said I was supposed to be resting this morning" he protested_

_"You want to eat tonight?" she asked_

_He muttered something unintelligible._

_And she added "I know you ache John, but Michael's ill and I can't do it all"_

_It amazed him at that moment that Abby was actually asking for help, but she was._

_"It's only a cold" he muttered. Every bit of his body was aching as though he had run a marathon. Though the most he had done was walk down the street for a newspaper .And he was feeling very sad and sorry for himself, despite the worry bubbling up inside of him that Michael was not well._

_"They called me from day care. I had to go get him early and we were swamped. Sam, Haleh and the other nurses had to juggle caring for Michael 'til my shift ended"_

_"You could have called me" he replied feeling slightly guilty all of a sudden._

_"Frank did, the machine kept picking it up"_

_"I must have been sleeping"_

_"Humph" was her only verbal reply as she left the room to deal with Michael her first priority._

_Cater groaned putting his head against the back of the sofa before summoning the energy and inclination to rise. He walked into the kitchen raided the freezer, turned the oven on and stuck a chicken pie inside, before following Abby upstairs._

_"Has he got a temperature?"_

_"What do you think?" she snapped_

_"Given him anything?" he asked. This time she just glared as a response. "Sorry, stupid question. I put some dinner on okay?"_

_She nodded and he knew that that was the most he was going to get from her right now._

_"You better go, sit back down then" she said flatly_

_He walked to the doorway, stopped and turned round to look at her, thought better of it and went back downstairs once more._

_They ended up spending the evening with Michael attached to one or the other of them,_

_he refused to be left in his cot and would only settle in their arms. This led the pair of them going to bed together with him so at least they could take turns in holding him. _

_It had been a couple of days before he has really started to perk up and was his normal active self and he had stayed home with Carter. Carter ached more than he imagined he would after each long day with him, but seeing Michael ill, was something he didn't like at all._

0o0

"You ready?" Abby asked him as she stood in front of him her arms laden with bags and Michael. "You okay?" she added when Carter didn't respond.

"Yeah" he mumbled then added "Abby?"

"What? What's wrong John? Is it important 'cause we're going to be late" she opened the front door somehow and he watched her struggle with everything, which was totally out of character for him.

"Abby?"

"What?" she replied impatient this time

"Why, why d'you stay?"

"What?" she asked confused

"With me? You, and Michael?"

"Don't you know?"

"No. I haven't been the easiest patient and it can't have been easy for you. So why?"

"You need to know right now?" she asked somehow knowing that he did.

"Yeah, I do"

She frowned and paused, it was now or never she supposed and why should she waste another opportunity which might not rise again anyway.

"Because I love you" she said as casually as she could and walked out the door to the car and strapped Michael in. "You coming to work today?" she asked as he stood on the top step with the door still open

"Yeah, yeah" he said locking the door and following her into the car.

They sat there in companionable silence despite her sudden revelation to him, while Michael babbled happily in the background on their journey to County. On arrival Abby swiftly went upstairs with Michael and Carter made his way to the doctor's lounge, where he made himself a coffee and sipped it slowly, savouring each mouthful and contemplating Abby words.

He received a good reception from the staff at the desk, all saying that they had missed him and hugging him. All of the hugs and welcomes did nothing for him compared to the smile Abby gave him from the far side of the desk, before a pair of paramedics and a patient stole her away.


	20. Chapter 20

Authors' Note: Thanks to everyone for your continuing reviews. More italics with another little flashback, sorry there seems to be a lot of those in this story. The place that Abby and Carter visit I invented out of my imagination as I have no idea if such a place exists in or near Chicago. The nearest I have been to Chicago is probably New York! Sorry if this chapter is a bit too soppy. There is one small chapter to follow this. I will hopefully post it by the end of the week so that you don't have a long wait for it.

Chapter 20

Three months later Abby took one last look around the room. The walls were bare, the furniture had gone. Where pictures once hung, the original colour of the wallpaper showed that the remainder was very faded. So many things had happened in this room, these rooms to be exact and many of the memories were far from happy. Abby walked to the door and let herself out locking it securely behind her, as if to shut away all the negativity in her past. She took the keys downstairs, slipped them into a brown envelope and slid that into one of the mailboxes there. Then she left and walked out into the night.

0o0

"Mommy will be home soon" Carter told Michael who was wriggling impatiently in his highchair, for food and Carter cut up some pear and gave it to him.

"More" said Michael

"Please" said Carter, encouraging Michael to extend his vocabulary of fifteen words or so.

"'an'oo" Michael said as way of thank you, when Carter gave him some more.

"Good boy" Carter said praising him.

"Hey" said Abby suddenly startling Carter

"Didn't hear you come in" he said in way of explanation "How did it go?"

"Fine" she replied first kissing Michael on the head and then Carter on his mouth.

"You sure? You seem a bit odd"

"Its was my home John, it was just a bit sad to let it go"

"You and Michael have got a home here with me now. Right?" he stated then queried to make sure.

She nodded and said quietly "Yeah".

Abby wished that she knew that he wanted them here, not just for Michael, but for her and John and also because he loved her for herself too.

_"I care about you Abby" Carter said "Don't go, come and live with me, for good, you and Michael" his dark brown eyes looked pleadingly into hers and she couldn't say no._

Carter had somehow got his own way almost without her being aware of it, but strangely now she didn't mind she wanted to be with him. And now here they were today living with John, she in every sense of the word. It had always been Abby who had been reluctant to let anything permanent into her life and now it appeared the tables had been turned and instead it was Carter.

"Are you ready for our surprise outing tomorrow, to celebrate?" he asked

"Celebrate what?"

"You and Michael and I, here together"

"Oh" she sighed slowly and deeply "It seems like we've been here forever already. What has it been five months?"

"About that, but its official now"

"So I don't get a lay in on my day off then?" she said with a humorous quirk to the corner of her mouth.

"I see more of you at work, it's not often we get the same day off is it?"

"And that's only because you wangled it with Susan. What did you have to do for it?"

"Susan's nights next week, three" he said shrugging then at Abby unconvinced expression added "Worth it though, huh?"

"Depends on what you have in mind"

"Don't worry; it's something we're all going to enjoy. Go have a shower I have got dinner and Michael all under control"

She wondered if that was true as she ascended the stairs and heard a loud clattering of saucepans, but left him to it anyway.

0o0

The next day held promise of fine weather which pleased Carter no end as he got energetically out of bed and went to fetch Michael, giving Abby a few moments longer of peace and slumber. After changing Michael's diaper he sat him on the middle of the bed he shared with Abby and went to make coffee and a bottle of milk for Michael.

"Momma, Momma" said Michael over and over again whilst playfully prodding Abby's still form in the bed.

Abby groaned and decided that it couldn't possibly be morning already. Opening one eye and feeling her hair being pulled she discovered that it was and there was Michael sitting in the middle of the bed laughing with a clump of her hair in his chubby hand. She groaned again before sitting up and pulling Michael to her for a hug.

Then the three of them sat there in the large bed drinking their morning coffee and milk and watching TV.

0o0

A small queue had formed by the time they reached the Zoo and they joined the end of it.

"Wow Carter, pulling out all the stops today" Abby said

"I thought Michael would like it" he replied "There's meant to be a really cool new indoor playground" he added his eyes lighting up at the prospect and Abby rolled her eyes to the blue cloudless sky.

"What?" he asked

"Nothing" she answered shaking her head with amusement but secretly knowing which of the men in her life would enjoy this outing the most.

0o0

They went round the animals first, the monkeys, the prairie dogs, the llamas, the marsupials, the farm corner, the pet corner, exotic birds and the camels. Abby pushed the empty stroller round as Carter and the little boy hurried on ahead, Carter picking up Michael to show him something now and again, and sometimes to slow down and wait for Abby.

It wasn't long before they reached the playground and they took him on the swings and slides and other outdoor things first, before grabbing a bite of lunch. Then they ventured into the soft play zone and Carter and Michael were in their element, although a lot of the equipment was way too old for Michael, Carter took him on it all. Abby was certainly sure then who was having the most fun, until they dragged her into the soft play zone too and then she had to agree with Carter it was something that would be fun for all of them. She wished that there had been places like this when she was a child, although she probably wouldn't have got to go to then even if there had been.

0o0

Exhausted but invigorated Carter and Abby fell on to the sofa later that night almost in a trance as you do when you have tired yourself out completely. After a while they seemed to regain some of their energy levels once more.

"You have fun today?" he asked her quietly

"Yeah, Shame there didn't have places like that were we were kids" she told him voicing her earlier thoughts

"Yeah it would have been cool"

"Not that we would have gone. Me and Eric"

"Are you getting nostalgic on me?"

"Nope" she said looking at him "What's done is done"

"Yeah. Didn't you ever go anywhere?"

"Not really. We didn't even get to Disneyland, remember?"

"Oh yeah she had a moment on the plane, so you said"

"Mmmm"

"We could have gone there I guess"

"What today?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

"It's a bit far for a day trip Carter, even by plane"

"I suppose so" He admitted after a while of contemplation.

"You ever wish you done things?" she asked

"In my childhood?" He thought for a minute and replied "Not really, maybe to have spent more time with my brother" He smiled and gave her a hug.

They sat there enjoying the company of the other for some time until Abby said "I know you want us here with you John, but I feel like, well you know watching you today with Michael. That you want us to be together for him. I don't expect you to love me I never have, but sometimes it just feels like all you want is a son"

"What brought this on? I thought you were happy with me, with us?"

"I am, I just need to know, where I stand with you. It's just well you've never said. You say you love Michael but how do you feel about me, John?"

"You don't know? Even now, even after all this time?"

"You never tell me how you feel about me" she said softly wondering if it had been the right moment to bring this up, after all they had had a really good day and she didn't want to spoil it. But one thing that had come out of the day was this, where did she Abby Lockhart fit into this thing with Carter and Michael?

"Abby" he started and then turned to face her and look right into her eyes, her soul. "I love you, not because you gave me Michael and let me be part of your lives. I love you for just being you" She didn't reply she couldn't and he sensing this framed her face with his hands and kissed her.


	21. Chapter 21

Authors Note: Just a little chapter to round everything off. I have written several Carby weddings before and so this time wanted to avoid that, I am sorry if that disappoints some of you. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed my story, it has meant a lot to me. I don't know if I will write another long Carby in the future but I have a couple of short ideas flitting around in my head even now. To Tabitha: I'm sorry if it read that way, what it was meant to imply was that they don't often both get days off together.

Chapter 21

When Carter stepped in the front door he was surprised to feel an expectant hush, although the floor littered with things told him otherwise. He located all twenty of them in the dining room and even though it was a good sized room they were all fairly squashed. There were four adults, and sixteen children, two of which were his and Abby's children.

Suddenly as if sensing his presence Abby looked at and beckoned him over to share the special moment, just as the singing commenced. The out of tune singing at that and not just by his wife, in fact he doubted if any of them sang the entire thing in tune.

Michael stood on a chair and shut his eyes making a wish before blowing out all of the candles at once and everyone cheered.

Abby moved in to take the cake away to cut it and Carter ruffled Michael's hair and run his hand over Anna's soft still baby hair before reaching out to help himself to some uneaten food on the table.

Then the doorbell rang "Parents" said Jack who stood up and went to get the door. The next half hour was frantic and Carter wondered why they hadn't hired a hall, caterers and an entertainer, but then again he knew that Abby wasn't too keen on going over the top as she put it for things for the kids and them too. And besides 'this' felt normal. 'Normal' being something that neither of them had experienced growing up, but was something that both had craved secretly within.

He ran his hand over the mantelpiece and his over the cards sitting there. It was hard to believe that Michael was four years old today. His son. Their son, Michael John Carter.

Pulling at his leg startled him out of his thoughts and he looked down to see Anna pulling herself up to stand there.

"Hello gorgeous" he said scooping her up into his arms "The next party is yours?"

"Aww Dad she's just a baby, she won't get all her friends come over" Michael said

"No but we'll have a party, one is just as an important number and it'll be just the four of us, five if Grandpa comes"

"Or six if Grandma comes and seven if Uncle Eric comes me too" Michael added.

"Mmmm" said Carter wondering if it was a good idea to mix them like that more than twice a year

"Okay guys, time for bed" said Abby pushing herself off the door jamb where she had been watching them. Michael made a face and looked about to protest but Abby added "You've had a long day"

"If you're quick I'll read you a story" Carter said to him

"From my new book"

"Sure, but I gotta shower first and you have to have a bath"

"Okay" Michael agreed and Abby silently thanked Carter with a smile and a kiss.

0o0

Carter slowly slid off the bed and lowered the light as he watched Michael sleeping. Was it

really three years ago since his first birthday? Time seemed to fly by and now Anna was approaching one too, he could hardly believe it. It was odd he decided that he felt happy now, with his life he had spent so long searching and then suddenly without warning he had found himself part of the family he was now in, Him, Abby, Michael, and now Anna too. Life was so much better than he thought it could ever be, sometimes broken dreams can be mended after all.

0o0

Abby stared out the window as the sun unexpectedly broke through the cloud and gave some colour to what had been a drab start to the day. She smiled to herself and remembered yesterday, Michael's birthday. It hardly seemed like yesterday she was standing here pregnant, contemplating her life and the whereabouts of Carter, and what if any opinion he had about the baby. The baby in question now being four years old, going on twenty four she thought humorously. Then everything seemed so problematical and difficult. Now it all seemed so simple, even if her life was more complicated now that it had ever been. At least she was happy. That was something that had been a long time coming. Of course she realised now that she had to be happy with herself before anything else fitted into place.

"Abby!" called Jerry locating the only attending he could find at that moment.

"Yeah"

"Trauma, MVA, ETA five minutes"

"Okay"

"You alright?" he asked

"Yeah I'm good" she replied and she was.


End file.
